Panna-vimutti

[Vanilla]

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice and support. So many questions to answer. The problems surfaced in January. She moved into the den mid summer. The silent treatment got worse from then till now.

Silent treatment is passive aggressive as a response. It also shows she would rather have peace around the kids.

When the silent treatment started I begged and pleaded, her response then was I am going to IC and working on myself.

Good, is she still in IC.

I say good morning each workday when she comes upstairs and she says hi over half the time. I gave up on good night. When I come how at 9 pm from my class(GAL) my IC said to say hi, but don't pursue. I haven't tried this yet and am reluctant to try.

I think you should, warm friendly neighbour. If you would say this to the old dear next door. Then say it to W.

When she choses to chat about household things it is to the point, brief and see never looks me in the eye. She will start household conversations out of the blue and discuss them as much as she wants to. When I bring things up she is brief.

Validate, open questions then make your exit.

I think she expects that I respect her desire to be left alone. She said when she is in the den(her room now) she would like to be alone. She desires this and I have respected her wishes. I leave her alone.

Good. If you wanted her to move out invade her space and privacy. In return does she respect yours?


I try to engage her or include myself in dinner table conversations with the kids.

Act as if she isn't rude. It makes life more pleasant. Normalise, chat to the kids.

She is brief and never looks at me.

Definitely passive aggressive, I would say. Might be some shame in there too. Let it be.

Other then that I leave her alone and give her what she wants.

I trust she respects your boundaries too.

I will not move out. I am willing to change my interactions with my wife but I will not move out.

Good, there is no reason why you should. In fact you kept the MB.

I cannot afford to move out, she can. I want to live with my son in our home till he goes to college in 3 years. I am willing to behave accordingly to make this work. There is no fighting, no overt tension, just no warmth between us from the kids perspective.

What you are doing is working. Your goal is achieved. Tiny more warmth to make things bearable. Wait it out.

I do not go to her any more to discuss "us" anymore. I come here.

I think you have achieved the best result you can. Now you have space and time to work on you. Knock yourself out.

I understand my situation appears bleak.

Actually I don't agree. Your sitch for the moment is neighbours, especially on your part. You are detaching which will make reacting and management easier. You are both civil and now you behave diplomatically.

I will try V's rainbow strength.

OK, let me explain, if you project love when the other wants a difference experience, then it's your idea of love, it will feel invasive. If you project soft rainbow strength, good wishes and the best for the other, then you are projecting what they want rather than what you want to give.

This means you are saying I wish the best for you, the things you need even if that's not what I would wish. It's rainbow strength. It feels good and positive for both, the recipient and the sender. First we ground ourselves to the earth, then from inside ourselves we find our sense of calm and then from that place, we say I wish you well and all you desire and the strength to have that in your life.

You can project rainbow love to those who would like to receive it.

What is "NH sitch"?

Sorry, yes, NH115, a poster here.

Thoughts ? Advice?

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Hope my thoughts help

V