DB isn't black and white. It says change the dynamic. That means no r talk that can be avoided, no pleading crying etc. Talk? Would you talk ftf before? Maybe try a new place to talk. Not home where you have arguments. Public? Restaurant? I dunno.not a pro.
vise Can I ask where this inspiration to take back the bedroom came from? Just curious. I know we do things at times because we want to get a reaction from the W and that's normally the wrong way to do it. I know when I did basically the same thing as you did it went pretty horrible at first and was done wrong on my part.
She obviously feels entitled to the bedroom and your still in the phase where she's going to be disrespectful toward you because of the WW mindset. You do need to stand up for yourself and take back some of the control over you but be very careful how you do it. Don't do it in a punishing way or let the conversation turn into a full blown argument by being reactive. You have to be in control of yourself in these situations to limit what you contribute to them becoming worse. There will be conflict but you do have an effect on how much.
Remember, your not taking back the bedroom to force her into a worse sleeping conditions, to prove a point to her, or to punish her for wanting to separate. Your setting a boundary that you will sleep in your own bed in your home. Boundaries are difficult and hard to do so try to have a solid plan worked out before doing them. This is about you and the treatment you will accept not about her or trying to control/wake her up.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Yes we do have face to face talks but they are usually at home, She did bring me to a restaurant to tell me in the past the separation is not going away to make sure I know where she was at with S.
Now DB does say change where you have conversations, so not in the home may be good. Not sure if I can avoid this talk.
Hello Fogg,
This came from what my youngest said to our baby sitter two days ago with him sitting on me, He told her she cant sleep over because daddy is sleeping in the spare bedroom because he sleeps better there (I told him this wordfor word , when I moved in the spare bedroom) it has been two months and its seared in his memory. This should have been my W's lie/guilt to tell.
I am going to sleep in my half of the bed and she can sleep where she wants. The couch, spare bedroom, she chose to sleep at her parents house. I will remember that I will sleep in my own bed in my own house.
She is so concerned with me telling the kids about the S, but its ok that it looks like I am leaving the M by leaving the MBR? I don't think so.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Btw what is going to happen, if you remain calm and happy, controlled confident (it seems like you weren't previous to bd) is that she may start to unwind. Almost like your relationship needs a certain amount of weakness and drama-she'll start to add what you've stopped providing.
Well its only happened once I invited her out and picked the place thinking things were going good only to have her drop a bomb on me again.
She wants to talk to me today, I think her parents are pushing her to talk. I don't know what to do. its easier to ignore her requests, but that gets her mad. If I don't answer then she will come home I imagine. And she is going to want to keep me out of the MBR.
If its anything like last night why would I want to talk to her. It was very nasty as usual. She is calling now and hanging up. And its starting to get to me, with a shaking through my body.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Dude you're not alone. Mine physically attacked me the other day, because I wouldn't fight with her. She said I'm very mean by being calm. I think she snapped bc she told me something she thought would upset me and I didn't let it affect me. So, again, they must have a sank script online they follow. Funny thing, I really care less aND less. I'm trying to get through this bc I think it's the right thing to do and ultimately better, but emotionally? I'm having none of my needs met by her so I know I don't need her. It's sad but I'm becoming indifferent emotionally. I think she senses it too. She may not care but she can tell.
Well I ignored and she did come home with the kids, she was the opposite of what I thought she would be, very quite, looked very tired, her parents must of set her straight. she just mentioned just because she is in the spare bedroom now it doesn't change anything with the S.
Thank you everyone for your support.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
