Triangulation (Differences between WAHs and WAWs 4

[JulieH]

So I am debating giving husband apology letter for my role in demise of relationship....this was recommended by DB coach. But I don't know what I am truly dealing with and after reading other posts I see similarities between him and some pretty narcissitic personalities.

I have two thoughts

1. He wants marriage to work but needs space to sort out feelings. He has been very hurt by me. Alcohol is a problem for him. He feels like I was controlling in marriage and never appreciated him. He has not said the words ILYBNILWY, he has not said I want divorce yet. He responds to my texts and has initiated a couple of family outings (but would not commit to them via text only in person), he is seeing IC. He is rebelling and resistant because he felt controlled by me. When he initially left he said his goal was for reconciliation, but then when I asked him about this other times he always said, I can't answer that right now.

2. He is involved in affair ???? (No proof but everyone seems to be) , waiting for me to take on second job, on hold to save resources but has already committed to divorce in his mind. Took vacation (supposedly with friends) he won't tell me about. I am told he leaves work earlier then he ever did when we were together. Has not made any initiative to work on anything involving reconciliation (marriage counseling, dating, calling me on phone to talk). Has not talked to me about anything other then polite, superficial stuff for a long time. Has mistreated me for the past year by neglect and stonewalling.

choice 1 could be me in denial. Is choice 2 me being paranoid? If it's choice 1, apology letter might help. If it's choice 2, he could use letter against me in court.

Regardless, thanks to the testimony of so many posters and the advise of some many other posters I will be staying cool. No anger can be shown no matter what, and my decisions will not be rash.

Unfortunatly Might need to commit to getting Intel (will be really hard in my case)

I am sorry guys. I realize this has been my situation since day 1. No real changes. True prolonged limbo.