I stayed up all night and spent all of this morning reading your threads. You write very well (reads like a professional author is writing) and I relate so much to what you have gone through and I have come across so many similarities my heart was actually pounding. (i hope this doesn't freak you out but it appears we live close by as well. We probably crossed paths at one point and drank mojitos in the same place : ) ) I relate to the financial struggles of the area, but even more to the dynamics between you and your husband.
Like you, I have always felt like everything was my fault. I didn't realize it was a form of control, but I see that I am controlling. Also I have that need for verbal reassurances and I really get your need for honesty and openness. I keep resorting to requesting answers from him, but I have decided after reading your situation that I am going to go cold turkey on that. It is pointless.
Husband also has trouble saving (also spent tons of money on takeout and alcohol) and just couldn't handle life. We kept completely separate finances and he has been pushing for me to return to work full time. I have been in denial for a while, though lawyer, my family, vanilla has stated the obvious... He is using my hopes for reconciliation to save resources for him. He has been stonewalling me for a long time. I thought it was because I had hurt him so bad with my hypercritisiscm but I forget at how selfish he had always been and why I criticisized him. I am also noticing little things he is doing and texting to make it look like I am keeping him from kids...
My only saving grace is that he left us and has not been living with us. I also did not have other woman shoved in my face (that doesn't mean there is not one)
Anyway, I am sorry I came on and hijacked your thread. I want to thank you though for writing about your experiences. It left me with a huge take home message....It is stupid for me to trust him. (A week ago made a big mistake by discussing us with his mother). I will continue to be sweet and careful in all of my correspondences. I will not be baited. No more questions as he could accuse me of harassment. dont reveal my suspicions to him. Play dumb. Focus now on crossing I's and T's. I hope I am wrong, that he is not this very selfish narcisissist but I realize from your experience that I need to change what my goals are right now.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
