Start tomorrow by giving your son a card. Resist putting down W's actionswhen chatting with your son. Concentrate on rebuilding your R with him and other son.
Accept where you are in your M. Rebuild you and R with kids. I would add caution to not enter into a game of one upmanship each trying to outshine the other. When you are the best you can be, decide what you want to do about M/R.
It is tough. Good luck.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
mutatio, it was a tough thing she did and the others have guided you really well in your future action.
A man admits his oversight to another man (your S) and asks him how he feels about it and that you won't let it happen again. That kind of conversation is worth so much more than some ink on a piece of decorated cardboard. Also it shows that you take the morale high ground and not try to show your W up in front of the family.
Who's the better parent now then?
As far as your relationship with your W is concerned, ignore it as the others have said, let it go and show her you've moved on by not letting her silly games affect your way of thinking or feelings.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Hi everyone, thank you all for the support. I am so glad I posted that info from work. I was feeling down during the day and your comments got me over the hump.
I will be independent in my future family responsibilities. This was the first time it happened and it was a shock to me. I am disappointed that my marriage seems to be going downhill and all the changes are negative ones. The news has been going from bad to worse for 10 solid months.
I accept my situation. I will continue to give my wife a pleasant positive attitude and provide kind compassionate behavior. Above all I will be patient. This shall remain my mantra.
Thank you all for your support, I could never reach my highest potential with out all of you.
Even if you are in an M, it is still your responsibility to look after your kids and family.
It is normal to say shall I get the card or will you? What shall we get for grandma's birthday? I have an extra Xmas present for D, I found a card for mothers day for your mum. I thought I would take S15 go kart. I am thinking of taking D to the theatre for her birthday. Etc etc.....
Otherwise you are on the sidelines.
Just my thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you PigPen. I am a product of my nature and the sum total of all your advice. I think Tolstoy got it right. I have adjusted my behaviors and expectations and will continue to thrive.
Your right on the money V, 100% correct. This is my new motus operndi. I am glad this happened. Thank you for the insight. I have not forgotten about our dialog. I will be over this work hump very soon. Be well
My wife just got home from a 2 day business trip. She went up stairs and laughed and chatted with the kids for 15 minutes. After she came downstairs and was unpacking, I went to say good night to the kids so I said hi to my wife. She said hi but did not look at me. I asked her how her trip went and she said "it was busy and I am tired". I said good night and she did not respond. I will persevere in hopes that my wife reconsiders the choice she has made.
Questions: Could the silence she directs towards me be a defensive measure? Does she feel the talking will lead to a relationship discussions? If she keeps me at arms length she can avoid my attempts to repair our relationship? She has always been a avoider. Is the silence her way of maintaining the trajectory of this relationship? If the answer to these questions is yes what is the best course of action for me?
Stop trying to guess. She's not talking, so you don't know. Even if she were talking, you are assuming she even understands why she is acting or thinking the way she is. Sure, she is defensive and afraid of coming back into an R she doesn't want. You know this. It doesn't make much difference as to why and what meaning it has.
Have you considered that it may be time to discuss coming to a legal arrangement to protect your custody and financial interests so you can physically separate? I'm not sure the current arrangement is serving you. You've got to be sending some serious vibes to her. And the stress can't be helping. Maybe taking the initiative to do move off the status quo could help. Drive home the reality of the course she is pursuing. Giving you the distance to take that stress off. Having you be the one who is asserting yourself. Just something to think about given your sitch.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
