V- HI yes we are fine! My plans for tonight are to relax at home by myself and get some things done I have been putting off. going through some boxes I have yet to unpack! just enjoying some down time. Tomorrow I work and then I will be helping a friend move. Sunday I asked Ex if I could take kids to pumpkin patch and told him if he would like to come to let me know. Detatching is very hard. but it needs to be accomplished. I have spent some time with him and the kids this week and it has all been pretty positive. I did mess up and slept with him again BUT for the first time I actually felt guilty about it disappointed with myself which are feelings I had not felt about the situation before. To me it means my self esteem must be growing because I instantly thought ha ha (towards OW) then the next thought was how could I put myself in this situation. I worked so hard to get out of this and I just let myself down. It really made me unhappy with myself. I feel that is a growing self-esteem. I do not want to be second I do not want to be the OW so I guess in a way I am glad it happened and I am glad I felt that way. Now next time I should be able to say no. I also then rationally thought to myself if I continue doing that it will only mean he can/will continue his R with her so I would be facilitating what is going on. I then decided I need to detach more so other than my text about the orchard sunday I will not be texting him unless he texts me. It was weird that he was so nice to me and we went that far because I hadn't talked to him in 5 days. So I assume it may have been his way to pull me back in. As I grow in strength, self-esteem and much more I believe it will be easier to set that boundary. I have also attended Al-anon last night and been texting with the leader and we went through a chapter about taking care of yourself. It was very overwhelming so I told her I would go through it a few times and compile a list of ways I can take care of me! I am also working on finding a new job and getting debt paid off. When I do move from my dads house I would like to start fresh! Thanks V for posting. I hope you are doing well!
