She Left, not as unsure (2)

[Shrike]

So the first thread was getting towards 100, time to start a second

Link to first: [url=http://http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2618411&page=10][/url]

I am still on the fence about whether or not my W is a WAW or a WW, or a little bit of both. Or if it even matters!
I know some may read my thread and say your wife is definately wayward, but I feel like I paint her in a more negative picture because of the anger I have.

I have been doing really poorly with detachment, pursuit, reacting to things she says or does, setting expectations for things in my head. As well as having a hard time GAL, taking care of my daughter, working and some issues with my crohns that have popped up the past week have really worn me out.

I am focused and determined to make working on myself my priority. To stop pursuit, stop contacting her, and to stop reacting or letting my emotions go out of control. Detachment.

And yet as I say type these words, I feel the desire to reach out to her. To try to be her friend to support her and be kind to her. Shutting down these desires is extremely difficult, because I am TERRIFIED that not doing them is the wrong way to go about all of this.

As I read NMMNG I see so many things that I have done to create this toxicity in myself. It feels wrong to not be talking to her. To not be there for her. Even when she is talking to another man, I still feel guilt and shame for where I feel I have taken this relationship.