You make some good points. The reason I say I don't want to fight about this is because this is the very issue that started our marital downward spiral. It probably isn't the real cause, but it is what started my H's disengagement from our marriage.
Last spring, I did the 180 when he said he wanted to buy a home where he currently lives. I tried to have a conversation with him and voice my concerns about not living together for so long and asked him if he thought it would be very long that he would be in this city. Maybe it wouldn't be a good investment if he wasn't staying long term.
He got very defensive and said that he had no plans to come back to our home in the near future. He was working his dream job and couldn't see himself ever coming back. In fact he didn't want to retire where we live and really didn't see himself ever there again.
This was a surprise to me as he had never mentioned this before. In fact we had talked about living in two different places when we retired. One place being our current home.
After that argument, he didn't visit home for 4 months. Kept making excuses. Although he continued to call me every day and we went on an international trip together.
When he did return in the fall (he said to see our kids), I told him I was feeling that he was pulling away and not happy with our marriage. We very calmly talked and he asked me for a separation. I agreed to it, then the rest of the weekend, he tried to hold my hand and be a couple. It was so weird. He spent some time talking with our son and when he came inside he told me he had changed his mind. He no longer wanted to separate. Could we discuss how we could move forward and make compromises for seeing each other more. I agreed and we made some promises to each other, which of course didn't really pan out on either end.
Then another 4 months go by before he can make it back to our home and in between that time, I could just feel things starting to fall apart. when he came back over Christmas time, he was very stand offish and he picked a fight with me. Me, being so stupid and unaware fell into it. Then we had another disagreement about intimacy and the bottom fell out after that. He blamed it all on something I had done to him 25 years earlier. I knew we were in big trouble then, but wasn't sure how to get out of it.
Then the big fight in January that caused him to throw in the towel so to speak. All of this to tell you that when I did my 180 and refused to agree right away to buying the house, he started his bullying and pouting because he didn't get what he wanted.
I guess all I can do at this point is to continue to stand up for myself and not let him bully me into doing anything I don't want to do. I'm just not sure if I am being unreasonable or as V says, I just need to give him what he is asking for and let him move on, based on legal guidance.
I'm feeling sorry for myself today and want my old life back. But the old life that was good, not the old life with all of the conflict. I wish I felt stronger about making these decisions. I keep second guessing myself.
