dday, thanks for your support earlier in the day, it helped. Your situation calls for time and patience. You have the new and improved dday skills, so let time pass patiently and be ready to shine when ever you get the chance.
Thanks guys. I love the support that I get here, and the advice.
When I picked the boys up last night, I was much friendlier than I had been recently. I told myself on the way there that I felt this is my chance. Nobody would want to be with me if I am a butt. So, I was nicer. She is an act of service love language. She sent the boys with food again. Way more than they would eat. They ate it for supper, because we had to run to the school and set up for the basketball league.
Had a blast with the other dads putting together a new basketball goal. These are the guys that we used to hang out with before BD. It was nice to have that friendship back. I've missed it. Kids were good for the most part. S4 is laying on me right now, sleeping.
___________________________
I am grateful today:
Had fun with the other dads last night.
Cuddling with the boys
I didn't dread talking to W yesterday, and it went much better than it has lately. Didn't seem as tense
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I don't really know what she thinks. I wish I could, then I would know when I was doing things that brought us closer to R.
I wonder if I have been doing the right things. I wish I had the money for a coach, but I don't right now. I think her losing me completely would help break the fog. But I don't want to be cold. Can my being friendly defeat her feeling loss?
Will it in fact show her what she is missing?
Last edited by dday; 10/23/1511:59 AM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I think her losing me completely would help break the fog. But I don't want to be cold. Can my being friendly defeat her feeling loss?
Will it in fact show her what she is missing?
I dont know. I wish I could help, but I really dont know. With three little kids, theres only so dark that you can go and still be effective coparents. I think Ive gone about as dark as possib le - I only see STBX once a week when I drop the kids off unless there are extenuating circumstances. I look and smell nice. Im pleasant, but dont really acknowledge her. If she asks a question, Ill answer. Ill update on whatever business is necessary. Then I leave. During the week, if she texts something, Ill answer if its about the kids.
I figure thats all I can do. Whether that will do anything? Im sure no, not until her A is over. But it has helped ME to distance MYSELF from HER.
I think the sooner you stop worrying about her fog and when and how and if it will break, and instead worry about making yourself into dday2.0 for when it breaks, youll be better off.
Good points az. I do need to put the focus on me. I have shifted some of it, but not all. My W isn't in an a. At least I don't know of one. She does things for me sometimes, and as I said she is acts of service LL.
I'm probably reaching, as usual.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I don't think being polite and pleasant is a bad thing if you're working on the kids together. I would think that you just wouldn't want to overdo it. Be friendly and polite during exchanges, but keep it short and don't pursue. It's tough cause we have to treat them like a friendly acquaintance and we're not used to that, we're used to more, which is why detaching is important.
Last night W was talking about s4 Halloween thing. Said that all 3 families of our little clique are dressing up as a group. Asked if I wanted to participate with all of them. Not sure what to do. I want to go, will have a good time. But, if we are not going to be H and W, why put on the appearances? So confusing.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Last night W was talking about s4 Halloween thing. Said that all 3 families of our little clique are dressing up as a group. Asked if I wanted to participate with all of them. Not sure what to do. I want to go, will have a good time. But, if we are not going to be H and W, why put on the appearances? So confusing.
If it were me, Id say I had made other plans. Then, I would make other plans.
