Since you and W are still living together, I’d opt to take her with. Maybe you both can have a good, or at least decent time? Plus since it’s a work trip, W can have some time on her own, which will be good for her.
I’ve done several trips with my W over the last 3+ years of crisis, and while there are some uncomfortable moments, I believe it’s helped us stay together. I also would not suggest kicking your W out of bed.
Finances are a personal thing. Yes, you need to keep an eye on it, but maybe that’s all. My wife stayed in our home and never went nuts with money. Not all of them do. But I do know they don’t like feeling like they are being controlled… that will drive them away.
“I feel that him (OM) pushing her to go back to me could make our chances worse.”
I agree. But you can’t control what he says or does. I’d suggest relegating him and his actions to the unimportant drawer. Don’t give him any power. I also wouldn’t engage in conversations with W about what he thinks. Your relationship is only between you two. Even family should be left out. Our families have no clue what W and I have gone through, and that too has helped us.
Have you set any boundaries regarding OM?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
