Expect your WH to start manipulations and the 100% rule applies in spades in his case.
I made " I will not be abused" turn into "I am free, the captain and master of my destiny"
When you are ready, absolutely ready, probably the next spell break, you will no longer validate WH belief you will say " I beg your pardon, the kids are in the car" or " I am sure it is someone else that said that"
I have thought for a while your WH is afraid of facing the consequences and he will try every trick to avoid it.
That day is coming Msd.
As for me I decided that I wanted to be the breeze block, I wanted to be completely totally unattractive as a target to my WH. Be very safe, this is a very dangerous time in abused Rs. Breeze Block is my own version of grey stone, I urge you to google the phrase grey rock abuse technique. ://narcissistsupport.com/going-gray-rock/
I have always thought your WH has a similar streak to mine. I am very careful.
V
I've been reading up on this. It is a good technique and one I will definitely put into practice. I owe him nothing.
And also, when I was reading through my old threads Labug very, very, very early on suggested I google black and white thinking. At the time I did and got a bunch of articles about narcissism and thought, "oh this doesn't apply". WOW it is amazing how early on others saw what I couldn't see. I reread the info that I found on black and white thinking and holy S***. It really is H to the tee. The way he would turn on people that used to be friends--for stupid reasons. Friend 1 took some teeshirts from a box H kept under his desk and suddenly became Hitler. Friend 2 disagreed with the way he handled an incident with a student--suddenly she is C***. There is no middle ground with him.
For a long time I suspected a Madonna/Whore complex with him. Our "intimate" moments were hot and heavy, but lacked the intimacy that you would expect between married people. And he wouldn't stick around afterwards. But he had no problem holding me and being loving when I was doing some mundane maternal task.
But then when he told me that he knows I will just jump into bed with someone right away. He thinks about how we met and knows I am that kind of person. um--buddy you were there, too. Making the same choices I made. How can you hold that against me after 15 years together? Somehow the fact that I slept with him the night I met him somehow gives him a pass to cheat on me 15 years later? It is crazy that he put that on me--but what is crazier is that I carried it. Just because he said so.
The one thing I am afraid of is that I won't spot another narcissist when I am ready to try to love again. They are really good at their game. I guess the best we can do is become the kind of person that isn't attractive to a narcissist--but I don't want to change who I am. I just want to become a smarter and stronger version of me.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
