[BrightFuture]

Job, thank you so much for your reply. You have so much patience, repeating the same things over and over again. You know what, this is exactly what I need. You cannot even imagine how much your posts mean to me. I feel so much better after I read your reasoning. My head stops spinning and I have a clearer picture of things. I hope I’m explaining myself good enough here…

H did make some good money this year, which will sustain him until the next spring easily. I guess he just goes year by year (just like day by day) now and is only interested in making enough money for one year.

And I hear you… He probably doesn’t know why he is doing things…

Now, about your son and GF, please stop and think about what I'm about to say and do not take offense. Do not quiz them about what went on w/your h while they were at the vacation home. The more you quiz them, the more uncomfortable they will become and will eventually stop sharing info w/you. If they come to you and want to talk, fine...but don't quiz them. I know you are curious, but you don't want your son to distance himself from you because of this. You've got a good relationship w/him and his GF and I would hate to see it go by the wayside w/questions about your h.

I agree with you on this. I know my son would probably not feel comfortable if I question him. His GF is actually more open and she would have no problem telling me about things. I will still take your advice and will not question her, unless it comes out in a conversation or she tells me things.

Your h has a long ways to go and the old saying "a watched pot never boils" is so true.

I try to remind myself about this all the time.

And yes, I'm going to repeat myself again...keep the focus on you and try to curb your analyzing of your h's behaviors. It's not helping you...in fact, it may be keeping you stuck. Try to think of him on a long trip overseas and he's at a remote village doing a research project and has no phone, etc. He'll contact you when he needs something...it seems he's good at that.

I’m going to read this over and over again, to get it in my head for good. Thank you.