I'm sure you'll know if she has a change of heart.
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Is there a time to put yourself out to them, or do I just stay the course indefinitely? I know that I haven't seen enough signs yet (if any), but if they start adding up, or W doesn't further the D proceedings, do I do anything? Is the ball in her court permanently?
I would say you don't put yourself out there until she does or says she's ready. My way of looking at it is, Yes, you stay the course indefinitely if you are committed to the marriage. If not, D is always possible if you choose it.
My W knows I don't want a divorce, that I don't think it's best, and that I want her and the M if she decides to stay and do the work. It's up to her whether she returns.
My job, if I want her to return, is to keep the road home clear. Pursuit, meanness, retribution, drama, antagonism, etc., would all put additional obstacles in the way that would make that road home even more difficult to get through than it already is...and would increase the time it would take to get down it.
Best way to keep it clear is not to go there...detach, GAL, etc...become the kind of husband only a fool would leave, as they say. Let her see a road home that is relatively clear and that has something good at the end of it. Perhaps at some point she will see that and start the journey back.
