I am still here. Your DB pal has got a lot going on, but I want you to know that I try to check in when I can. Sounds like you needed the encouragement.
As far as the answer to your question, keep posting. You are trying to figure out what is best for you and your children - it is not a simple question. Nor is it a simple answer. I will say this though: your W has given you the gift of time if she is willing to live with you for now. That may be a golden opportunity for you.
I thought we were making progress, but then she went away for two weeks on a family trip we agreed she could do without me. She contacted him during the trip. She got back and was very appreciative of all my help and support, but said we really weren't moving forward, and she wanted to have an agreement about our in-house separation. I said ok, and give her the terms. I said my only real boundary was that I did not think we should date other people while we lived in the same house. She said but that is exactly what she wanted. She needed to be able to date and I was again only thinking of myself and trying to control her. I said I wasn't trying to control her. If she needed to date, she could move out. I said, so what you are really saying is that you have just been biding your time all these months and you want to date HIM. She said how will she know if it is really love, if it is REAL if she doesn't get to pursue that. If we ever did have a chance of getting together, we could do that 5 years from now just as easily as now. Why won't I let her find out for herself what is right?
Can anyone help me with some clarity with all this?
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
Hey Flight, Just caught up on your sitch. You W sounds similar to mine in that it only feels like progress is nade when OM isn't in the picture, or at least less in the picture.
When OM didn't have a phone, or at least didn't call, my W seemed to draw back to me and we developed. More of an R that the whole time since BD.
Granted I have not been in this nearly as long as most. I am thankful that I found DB so early on.
You are on my Radar now Flight. I'll be checking up on you and at least offering support whenever I can. Maybe I can have a touch of advice at some point, but mostly I am learning from you all.
Hi Sorgan, First, very clever about having me on the "radar". To answer your question, I did a lot of self talk and listened to some podcasts and got back to my goal page and realize it is about being calm, constant and consistent. I have to follow my goals, not my feelings. And at the same time, I am working on myself and have a bit of work to do So today is better. She also seems to be open and friendly today. How about you?
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
Today has been good for me. I was actually told by an ex of a friend she thinks him and my W may have had a PA, but I didn't let it bother me.
I have been detached pretty good today. She is actually on the phone with OM right now and I could care less. I am coming to realize more that I must love myself and meet my own needs if I hope to make it through this in one piece. So that is my current goal, to look inward for my happiness and continue to stay detached.
Sorry to hijack a little. and I had hoped you would get a kick out if the radar pun. Lol
Hi Sorgan, First, very clever about having me on the "radar". To answer your question, I did a lot of self talk and listened to some podcasts and got back to my goal page and realize it is about being calm, constant and consistent. I have to follow my goals, not my feelings. And at the same time, I am working on myself and have a bit of work to do So today is better. She also seems to be open and friendly today. How about you?
Quite the roller coaster, isn't it. You should look over your last few posts and see how your moods, and even your entire perspective, change from day to day. I am dealing with this too. Just dropping in to say hi. From the above quote it looks like you're doing ok. RAI
I'll be checking up on you and at least offering support whenever I can. Maybe I can have a touch of advice at some point, but mostly I am learning from you all.
To answer your question, I did a lot of self talk and listened to some podcasts and got back to my goal page and realize it is about being calm, constant and consistent. I have to follow my goals, not my feelings. And at the same time, I am working on myself and have a bit of work to do 