Re: LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (3)

[sandi2]

I am not necessarily disagreeing with what has been said, just want to give a different point of view.

She gave me a little more grief about how I am not the boss and I do not get to decide when these conversations are going to happen. I just looked at her and we continued the parenting plan conversation.

I thought you handled the other night very well. That is, until she made the decision to have another conversation about the parenting plan. You came home at 1:30 a.m., right? She decides to have another conversation about parenting plan at that time of morning?? Tells you that you don't get to choose when to have the conversations....(but apparently she can), and then you continue to do what she dictates and have the parenting conversation? Why didn't you walk away? Couldn't you see what she was REALLY doing? She was angry and jealous. She wanted to punish you, so she goes over the same old stuff, again....hoping to get more information about your night. Don't tear down what you have just accomplished, by submitting to this type of bullying from her. Next time, you should calmly tell her that that conversation can wait till the next day and that you are going to bed. Ignore her insinuating questions.

The WW will throw a fit if she thinks her LBH may be doing some of the very things she's guilty of doing! Do not tell her anything! Do not give her assurances.

I understand the point on integrity. I may not have read all the posts following the one I am responding to, but let me add something to the mix. First, I do not tell anyone to lie to their spouse. I do tell a H of a WW to let her think whatever she wants to think about him being out, with whom, etc. (H's of WW's are much to quick to explain himself). I do tell him to be very mysterious. If you are assuring her that you're just out with a bunch of guys or visiting family, etc., then she has nothing to worry about. She should be thinking a lot more about the fact she's setting her H free. She's putting him out on the open market. You see how jealous she was, right? That's actually a good thing (unless you've been unfaithful in the past). If she didn't care that you may have a girlfriend.....then that would not be a good thing.

Please do not misunderstand what I'm saying. I am not saying to lie. I am not saying to act as if you are having an A. I am saying that when she asks you about wearing your ring or where you went or saw......do not give her the answer she wants to hear. Don't even respond, but simply look at her without any emotion and walk away from her. Now, I am thinking from the VP of a WW.

If the MR was healthy/normal, then I would not suggest not answering her questions......but if it was healthy/normal, I doubt she would be enraged that you had the nerve to do something she couldn't control. And that's the core problem for her, right there.

Not knowing your whereabouts and your activities is some of the consequences she needs to experience, as a WW. Not controlling you is a lesson she needs to experience, as a spouse.