mbje, thank you so much that is in fact another way of looking at her. She is an imposter. This woman doesn't even call her kids while away on business for 4 days, I would call them even when I am in the same neighborhood just to see how their day was and remind them that I am here. So I have to start shifting my perception so that I can detach further and love the woman she could be again and better when she decides and if she decides.
Sandi, your brief description of your time and your inner shame moves me a lot. I have a lot of that, believe me, during this time I don't blame my wife for wanting out, I was a good man, supported her, a great father, always there for my kids, but a horrible partner, it wasn't until much later in our relationship that I started to value my wife, and by then it was too late I suppose. Your description of how you felt guilt, remorse, sorrow, is not that dissimilar from what I've been feeling because of my blame in all of this. I know she will have to go through this herself, part of me doesn't want her to experience this.
I am fighting internally to remain in control, I have played the weak person for far too long. I need to start looking at this as if it is a ship that has sailed and God will guide it and me towards our destinies and path. If God ordains it, I might be that lighthouse that has stood waiting for this ship to come back and guiding it safely. I just know that I can't continue to feel this way, I have done a lot to make up for my past, I am still working on forgiving myself, and now forgiving her, and believe me, forgiving myself is the hardest part.
God bless you both, it is always nice to hear from you wonderful women, who have been where we are and also on the other side. Thank You.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
