Panna-vimutti

[asitis]

I know how that feels, but this is common in the phase we are in. We do not factor into any consideration. They don't want to think about us as it is too painful or they are too angry. So they don't.

Time to take responsibility for buying gifts, signing cards, calling the kids' grandparents on their b-days so they can talk with your kids if it falls on your custody days. Even if you recover your M, it is important to do a lot of this care for the family rather than delegating it. You'll be glad your W has taught you this painful lesson if you make use of it.

Further, you remained invisible to her, as she did what she does, now without taking care of the part she did for you. You stepping up and taking care of this for yourself will likely be noticed and one of the little ways in which you are demonstrating that there is a different you. One who pulls his weight in areas that she had held all the responsibility in. One who employs his caring, creative side in making those he loves happy.

On your son, I'd suggest in a moment alone, you consider confessing that you let his mom handle all of this in the past and that this was wrong of him, that it doesn't reflect how important he is to you, how much you love him and want him to feel appreciated and loved by you. He'll be moved by the example of you both showing the love and feeling we men are often trained to hide as well as your standing up and taking responsibility for yourself. A great opportunity for moving closer to your son. Again, you can be grateful to your W for making you aware of this and giving you the opportunity to grow.

It still feels like a betrayal (I know from going through something similar w/ my W) and hurts. It does not mean that she is done considering and including you in her plans, just that for right now, that is what it is.