Moving Forward

[EMMess]

Good afternoon family,

ILYNOT, you don't know how much I appreciate this piece of advice. I trying to awaken from this illusion. My wife is pretty set on her "friendship" with OM, and is open to seeing where it leads. Tells him she misses him and thinks about him frequently (and this is the type of stuff I wish I didn't know). The next trip will surely have them seeing each other and only God knows what will happen (again, something I wouldn't mind erasing).

I have been working on again shifting my focus from my W, what she is doing, with who. I have caught myself again making it about her. I am starting to realize that this is a road that she is very insistent in traveling. I know I can't control her, and only my reactions or actions. I have done poorly there, I overly express my feelings, fish for compliments or information, etc.

I started re-reading "Awakening by Anthony De Mello", awesome book on the illusions or brainwashing we have in our society. It has make me question my perception in all of this. I mean, my W has told me she is moving forward, likes this guy, and is going to see where it leads. I mean, how much more do I need in order for me to let her go? I guess that's something I need to explore. I want to let it go and let God. Believe in his plan for my life, and trust in him that I will come out stronger and much better for this.

I have to bring my wife down from the pedestal I have place her on, start looking at my R and M objectively, analyze it and find where it was failing at a deeper level. I am now trying to dive deeper within and find my strength in letting her go. I bothers me that when she communicates she wants to instruct me on meditation and letting go, and looking deeper. How I will realize that this is for the better; it just irks me a bit...but know that she is right at least in the looking deeper.

The world is full of a lot of possibilities, and I know that in my R I have lost myself. I need to focus my energy in finding what is of value to me and on my boys, bringing them more quality time spent with me.

So my PMA this morning has been:

* Meditation
* Affirmations
* Visualization
* Exercise
* Reading
* Writing

I have started writing to my sons, a journal of letters, letting them know where we are in our life and giving them the best advice I can give them while I am growing.

God Bless.