Not Confused...Insane in the Membrane

[BRNR]

They'll calm down but they should know their mom fought for them

AJM- Hiya!

I am fighting for my boys...maybe just not out in the open. I have held my head high and tried to communicate with my boys, but it hasn't been reciprocated. I will continue to try. I also feel at this time, they need to experience life with their dad. I feel they need this opportunity to figure things out for themselves. I will always be here for them, but I also know that I can't control them (nor do I want to). I feel if I stop this, it will lead to resentment that they never got the opportunity to do this.

My oldest will be 17 in March and is on the verge of becoming an adult. I believe he NEEDS this, meaning to be able to make his own choices. He needs to see how no matter what choices he makes he will learn something from them, either negative or positive. He needs to deal with those consequences. If I don't do it with him now, in a few years I would either have a) an adult dependent on me for everything b) or have an adult just going through this learning process. I love my son, but he has picked up some bad habits from my exH. I've showed my boys love, hard work, responsibility, doing the best you can, morals, values, fun, family, friends. They now need to see another life and hopefully gain something from both to be able to create a new one for themselves into adult hood.

Now my youngest is another story, he is 12, but has been dragged along for the rollercoaster ride. He is much more like my exH and always has been. He may be too young to learn the same lessons as my oldest, but maybe some things will stick since he has always been a fan of his older brother.

So, my focus is me. And only ME for a change!!! As job has said a million times "they will either figure it out or they won't" Honestly, I am applying the same DB'ing principles I have learned and using what applies towards my children.

I wasn't able to save my marriage way back when (which I am very thankful never happened BTW), but maybe I can save my relationship with my children!