She Wants Me to Leave....3rd Time in 4 Years

[isittoolate]

I agree, don't overthink things.

Out of curiosity, about the sex thing, when you said you reconciled this past time, what did you do to address the sex issues?

Not enough!

If I remember , the first time in 2012, we visited Ann Summers together on a trip to London and bought some toys and sexy underwear, but after a few weeks/months these ended up in the wardrobe. I also bought her sexy lingerie as an anniversary present. These came out a few times on hotel trips away etc.

I guess over the course of the next 18 months things just drifted back to the old routine. I have a fear of rejection over sex and she wants me to initiate. She started to put 'barriers' up 'I dont want sex in the bedroom on Sat morning' in other words routine, boring 'chore' sex. Then she started to distance over the summer of 2014, which led to a confrontation in Oct 2014 and another in Dec 2014 with me protesting that W didnt give us enough Quality Time together either in the bedroom or socially (dinner dates etc). All the while I was good with the other stuff, Words of Affirmation, Support when things got tough in work and buying presents, getting a life - such as 6 cycling trips away with friends, running etc. The relationship was pretty good from most other angles.

This time around in Dec 2014, we tried to address the QT issues bywe going out a few more times in Jan but we didnt address the sex issues specifically. She sent me a few sexy picture messages and I replied in kind in late Jan. I was away for the week in Italy and then the following week in Ireland. She missed me (text) which was always a good sign . When she misses me - she loves me.

Anyway things drifted again - and looking back the process was speeded up. We last had sex in May, she put up more barriers or at least the barriers were in my head. Every weekend throughout the Summer would be busy, busy, busy, with camping trips (x4) holidays abroad (2 weeks), she had occasional girlie weekends away, I went on a cycling trip, visiting family etc etc. I remember we had sex in a tent, and once at 5am in the kitchen after an all night party in a friends house - childminder was upstairs asleep - I think she likes exciting, risky sex and finds other sex with me boring esp as - in her head - I dont believe she truly reconnects with me after reconciliation.

Intimacy drifts ,no sex, and the spiral accelerates, I dont rock the boat as I'm afraid of an R talk. Eventually I brought up an R talk via email - our communication on intimacy was so bad I sent an email!! I was so scared to approach her knowing that I would likely face a ILYBINILWY speech.

here is the email:

Just a short note to say that we need to break out of the rut that we are in.

I want more love, more cuddles, more spoons, more hugs, more kisses , more sex, more quality time, more time for just the two of us (whether its on the sofa or away for a weekend), more nights out, more walks, more holding hands, more massages, more foot rubs, more comedy nights, more theatre, more fine dining , more musicals….….. more of US

It’s a long list but its from my heart.

I love you and always will

Her response was to ignore it for a week and then I challenged her and got another ILYBINILWY etc