[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Heather for your kind words.

It is getting harder for me to write posts these days. I just don’t know where I am in all of this. It does feel like I’m moving on… But… I’ve been having some feelings… about wanting to have someone in my life who I can hug and share my days with. These feeling disappear after I start thinking what it would involve, LOL. I do like my life as a single woman most of the times. And then… I dream about a soul mate… And then H comes to mind… I’m a big mess these days…

Some updates… We had a family dinner last weekend with my son and his GF. I asked them about their trip to the vacation home. Was not able to get much, and it seems like they didn’t spent much time with H. He was with his friends (the crazy woman and company) during the off roads races. I didn’t have a chance to talk to my son’s GF. I know that she would be able to tell me more. Oh well… It not a priority right now. Whenever… I was just hoping that H and my son would reconnect.

It looks like H is not going to work anymore this year. I sent him an e-mail asking him to send me a company file, informing him that I received a check for his invoice and deposited it into a business account. I also asked him to let me know if I could stay at the condo sometime, I gave him a couple of dates when I would like to come over. I also told him that I share the internet with the neighbors over there (they are his friends too) and if he would like to have a password.

He replied back with the file and with some details. I’m going to post it here in hopes to get some feedback.
“Hi Bright, thanks for depositing the check. I have the password for the internet, thanks. I don't have any work as of right now so I don't know if I will be here or not at those times. I will keep you informed so you can make plans. I am flying out tomorrow to XXX to pick up my truck and drive it back. If you wanted to come down this weekend you could. It's the golf tournament weekend, so it will be busy.
Hope all's well,
H”

My thoughts:
- He doesn’t have any work. And it looks like he is ok with that. I have some intel that he turned down some work in that state where he is flying to. I don’t know if it was a small project with not much money and he thought it was not worth it. But, in the past he would pick up anything to make any money. Either he thinks he made enough money for this year, or he gave up… Meaning depression…

- He is not telling me directly that he doesn’t want me to be at the condo. This is what I thought would happen after last time, when I heard some of his comments and especially the comment about delivering the D papers on our anniversary. It looks like he is trying to keep piece with me, but at the same time not trying to do favors (if it makes sense.) If he is going to pick up his truck, he is definitely not going back to work. Why make a vague promise “to inform me”?

- The last couple of sentences make me feel like he is tired and not that excited about life anymore. Just my impression. Am I reading too much into this?

Expecting 2x4 again… Advising me to concentrate on my life and me and stop analyzing, LOL.

I do have my own life and I do concentrate on me. I just cannot shake off the image of H out of my head. I also feel that he is not happy and I feel sorry for him. Read a quote today: “Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew”. Why is this so tough?

Thanks for reading…