Back on these forums again

[Zues126]

Thanks Gmum! I think I try to rationalize it most to myself. I am embarrassed to say I want him. I joke to myself that he is my heroin, my poison that I cannot live without. Then when I think he is not good enough for me, like at all, i get so sad.

I dont really worry that the M is done. I am very sure I know exactly what I need to do on my end to breath life back into the M. If I am honest, I know that by me changing 2 areas over 50% of our issues will be resolved.

One area will be completely resolved in March. Me and the kids are getting a new house in March. This alone will completely do him in.

The second area I will have wrapped up in another month or 2.

But that is not at all what I want, and I think that is where the pain is coming from. I dont want HIM back. I want the fantasy H I dream about. I want the man who shares my bed, not plays on the PC all night. I want a partner for the kiddies. And other things I imagine a good M looks like.

I dont think I understood until right now where all of this pain was coming from. And I think I finally found it. I am grieving over losing something I haven't seen or thought of in years. I have absolutely no idea if I am able to get our M to the point were I am getting what I need from it.

I am desperately sad because I feel completely hopeless. If I get H back, he will never be what I need. If I dont get him back I need to start all over. So I am alone.

Ok, good. Now I know why I am so sad, now how to rise above it?

Hey Mona. I will admit I haven't been following. If you read my "black and white" post you'll see that I'm very pro-m, to a fault perhaps. I respect that you have been down this road before but when I heard you were letting go of your M I decided not to post because I didn't think I'd add much value.

I checked in to read the post of another vet I like, and it looks like the tone has changed. I'm delighted to hear that. Whatever the outcome...and I hope for the best...I'm proud that you are openminded about the chance for your M.

One thing I'd like to point out is that your H may change if you do. That's the entire spirit of DB, it takes one to tango. It really does. And while you can't make him change, don't think he'll always be that way. My WAW left me for reasons that were very fleeting, while I have character that would've lasted her a lifetime. And she doesn't realize that I felt the exact same way, and that we dragged each other down. That doesn't mean we weren't 'compatible', it meant we didn't know what we were doing.

Take a read through my latest thread if you get bored, it's been some good conversation on commitment and what is possible out of a marriage. I'd like your thoughts. I'm idealistic, but maybe a bit naive too...

Anyway, I don't think wanting your M is a poison. Maybe for the wrong reasons, but if that's a poison I wish more people would drink up like the sicilian from the princess bride