Uphill, you feel like a shell of a person because being in limbo for an extended period of time has that affect. I am convinced that although we DB'ers are doing the right thing, it take a huge emotional toll. It would be so much more satisfying to just get really angry and fight it out, you'd get lots of family and friends to rally around you and support you, but it is exhausting to take the higher ground and it can wear you down.
It doesn't mean you are codependent, or not a whole person. It means you are walking through hell right now, but you will walk through it, you will come out on the other side at some point. And you can decide at any time that this is the day you are done, you can decide at any time that you need to adjust your strategy to incorporate more self care, more GAL, whatever it takes to improve your mental wellbeing. I was feeling stuck and Avanti made me realize it was time to reread DR and write down my goals. That helped. Whatever it takes to get you through this.
