Here's My Story...Need Guidance

[wiseman]

Thank you sandi2! Everything you said makes complete sense to me. My struggle has been on implementation. For years I was accustomed to treating her with respect and to care about her feelings. I know I haven't mentally made that shift and need to start making more impersonal responses.

Do you think there are certain boundaries that I should put in place? Or am I at a stage where I should just ignore and detach completely?

I need to stop being submissive and passive. This one is hard for me, but really, really, really need to change here. Last week she said she wanted to start switching on and off for the master bedroom (currently I have it 100%). I didn't respond to it, but I will not back down from this space. She has decided to have an A with OM and end our marriage, not me.

About 3 weeks ago I really started to work on my 180. MY GAL is Jiu Jitsu now and I am doing that 3 days a week. It truly is a great distraction and allows me to focus 100% on being the best me. This is also something that traditionally has been way outside my comfort zone. I believe this is something I needed to feel alive again and give me a purpose. 2 weeks ago she approached me when I was on my laptop watching a jiu jitsu technique and said she wanted to see what it was all about. She was curious about my new hobby.

The hardest struggle for me right now is with my oldest son (S6). He is biologically not mine, but I have been in his life since he was 2 months old. I don't think she even knows the impact this is going to have on him and me for that matter. Once we separate I don't know how long I will "be his dad". He already has a biological father (who is not in his life) and eventually will probably have another man in the picture. I love him like my own and always have. This is extremely hard for me and worry about my future interactions with him. She says she would never keep him from me, but I don't know if that will change and if as time progresses it will naturally dissolve.