have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[tkdmme]

I agree, but at this point im not sure If I want a divorce or not. Part of me wants to get out of the marriage but a part of me wants to make it work for the kids sake.

I definitely don't want a new relationship with the woman my W has become. However the reality of a D scares the hell out of me.

I don't want to have my time with the kids limited to every other weekend. I don't want to loose my house that I have worked so hard to get. I don't want my kids to think that I have abandoned them.

The problem as I see it is that she would drag this thing on and on forever until I finally go file for D. I am leaving soon for a new project out of town. I will have my own apartment that my company will pay for. She told me she is waiting for me to leave so that she can get her affairs in order and come up with a plan to go through with the D.

The truth is she would live in our house and let me continue to finance her life for as long as I was willing to do it. its like she is dangling the carrot. Nothing will change for her. I will be in a new town away from my family and continuing to worry myself sick. She would be living the life that she always has with the exception that I will not be there.

The biggest thing bothering me is this new project and leaving town. I feel the need to resolve the issue before I leave for some reason. Im scared that if things are not resolved one way or the other before I leave then we will get further apart. Im scared that my kids will start getting used to me not being around and that hey will not miss me.

The bottom line is Im scared.