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Re: confused newbie 5
Azzork #2617925 10/21/15 07:07 PM
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No its not. I wonder if I appear friendly, if she will take that as us being friends.

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3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Re: confused newbie 5
dday #2617928 10/21/15 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted By: dday
No its not. I wonder if I appear friendly, if she will take that as us being friends.


Im friendly with the Costco cashier even though I have never met her before and will never see her again.

Does that make us friends?
Re: confused newbie 5
Azzork #2617929 10/21/15 07:14 PM
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Good point az

35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Re: confused newbie 5
dday #2617930 10/21/15 07:15 PM
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I haven't been friendly but I haven't been unfriendly either. Just disinterested in what she has going on or having a conversation with her. Not sure if I'm on the right road either.

Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Re: confused newbie 5
gs9 #2617932 10/21/15 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted By: gnicks9
I haven't been friendly but I haven't been unfriendly either.


It is a fine line, right? Im not saying go up and give her a hug when you see her. No need to initiate. But if she talks, you can answer in complete sentences. You can laugh. The more detached you become, the easier that the conversations become.

Youll get there. Time. And practice.
Re: confused newbie 5
Azzork #2617940 10/21/15 07:34 PM
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Personally, I do not even want to see my W right now. I guess that is not detached then right? When I am not around her, I feel back to normal, but when I am with her, I feel confused and uncomfortable. That is one reason the coldness comes out. Self preservation?

I will try and be more friendly, and still be as close to dark as I can

35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Re: confused newbie 5
dday #2617949 10/21/15 07:54 PM
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Originally Posted By: dday
I do not even want to see my W right now.


If I have a friendly neighbor that is always asking too much or talking too long or whatever, I try to avoid him. But Im still friendly.

I dont want to see my W either. But that doesnt mean Im going to be cold.
Re: confused newbie 5
Azzork #2617950 10/21/15 07:55 PM
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Az, you rock.

35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Re: confused newbie 5
dday #2617967 10/21/15 08:28 PM
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Right where I need to be
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Right where I need to be
I remember struggling with that question for a long time also. Was I acting too friendly showing her I will be her friend and everything is ok or too cold and punishing her/pushing her away. It's just a balancing act you have to do to stay in that friendly neighbor area while trying to pull back and be less available to them. Which can be very difficult with in house separarion.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: confused newbie 5
Fogg #2618028 10/21/15 11:11 PM
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Just for clarification, can I be darkish and friendly at the same time? I just don't want to screw up anymore than I have.

35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
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