Here's My Story...Need Guidance

[wiseman]

I am copying a post that I put into another forum earlier. I think sandi2 is going to try and help me with some of it, but I figured I'd through it out there to anyone else who has insight.



I too fall into the "nice guy" category and have been submissive/passive throughout our 5 year marriage. We are currently going through the divorce process, but living in the same house. I have detached a great deal, but now find myself struggling with her noticing the 180 I have been doing.

Our interactions are almost non existent. We say hi in the morning, hi in the evening (after work) and might have a sentence or two about the kids. I have started working on GAL and we have created a schedule on what days we will go out. She was the one that wanted to go out on a regular bases and for that reason I found it necessary to create a schedule where we alternate every day. This way I can work on my GAL and not become a built in babysitter.

I have a few question to you Sandi2.

-If there is anything I should do differently to start showing I am confident and assertive. Again, I don't have any real meaningful interactions with her now. How can I show this?

-You've talked a lot about the W needing to respect her H in order to get away from the friend/brother category. She continuously stays out until 1,2 or 3am on her days. In fact, last Friday she was out until 5:45am!. I confronted her on this and she basically said "you can't tell me what I can or can't do". With our current situation I can't force her to come home by a certain time and thus have little ability to enforce. Should I just let her stay out and not care? Does it appear as if I am pursuing? Or am I doing the opposite and causing her to feel like she can continue to disrespect me and walk all over me?

-Should I invite her to do activities as a family? Seeing that it Fall and almost Halloween, the kids have several events coming up. I plan on taking them to these and also pumpkin picking this weekend. Thoughts?

I don't know if our marriage is salvageable based on how far down the path of D we are and the lack of interactions we have. I am working on me, but don't know if I am being too cold for her to even recognize I am changing and being the best me.

Thanks in advance for any advice.