Wow, mind is blown 9

[Azzork]

I guess it is just in my head that I could be DBing forever and never move on and never have a chance with XF?

If you are DBing with the sole intent of reconciliation, then yes.

Now, nearly 6 months later I feel as if I am growing as a person and doing some soul searching to fix myself, but it doesn't seem as if I am any closer to my end goal.

Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly:
"What is my end goal?"