Wow, mind is blown 9

[Uphill]

Processing some thoughts today. I am unsure if I at this point miss XF or if I just miss the companionship? I feel like I have a hole inside me, a missing piece. But is it her? Or is it the fact that I have nobody to share my life with on an intimate level? The conversations, hugs, kisses... Just being there for somebody no matter what.

I do think to an extent I do miss XF. I'm not 100% sure that is all of it right now though? She is still the beautiful girl she always has been, but the way I have been treated lately makes her much less attractive. The times I sense I do miss her the most is remembering what we had in the past, definatly not where we are now. And then right now as I'm typing this the song "God gave me you" comes on the radio... That has always been her song to me?!?!

Another thought I've had the past few days. I want another child. That was something I always wanted for us and S4. I know not to think too far into the future, it just worries me that I may not ever have that? I just wish I had some closure one way or another so I knew if me and XF ever have a chance to have that together, or if I should be looking to move on so my dreams aren't erased?

Anyway, just trying to sort out what is actually going on in my head right now.