thank you so much for all the insight and help. I can definitely see my thoughts of punishing her. That's a terrible attitude. I need to keep working on me and not be afraid to reassure her slightly when she brings up OW.
Headed to court now. Thanks all
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
thank you so much for all the insight and help. I can definitely see my thoughts of punishing her. That's a terrible attitude. I need to keep working on me and not be afraid to reassure her slightly when she brings up OW.
Headed to court now. Thanks all
It's not about reassurance ... You do not want her to think you are her puppet... It's more about setting a tone that you will conduct yourself to a standard you have set for yourself and you will not settle for less....not from yourself, her, or anyone else in your life ... Start being the captain of your ship instead of a spectator
This is too weird g. Our situations are similar to an extent and I also played rugby for 18 years. I started playing again a little also! I am hesitant about playing since I stopped about 2 years ago because I knew w was not happy about all the time away it took. I stopped because of that and old age but she thinks it was because of the latter only. I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing to do but wth her moving in days I guess it makes no difference right now. Just got home and there are packed boxes everywhere. Not easy to see
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
[quote=gnicks9]thank you so much for all the insight and help. I can definitely see my thoughts of punishing her. That's a terrible attitude. I need to keep working on me and not be afraid to reassure her slightly when she brings up OW.
Headed to court now. Thanks all
Quote:
It's not about reassurance ... You do not want her to think you are her puppet... It's more about setting a tone that you will conduct yourself to a standard you have set for yourself and you will not settle for less....not from yourself, her, or anyone else in your life ... Start being the captain of your ship instead of a spectator
Cali, this is great! Thank you so much. It's a very different way to look at it and makes perfect sense. And it's the way I feel about it. I'm not going to accept less from myself, her or anyone else. I deserve better
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
OTW, I hate to hear anyone else is in a similar sitch. It is nice to know there are others who can be empathetic and we can support each other. I played football in college and several years after college a buddy talked me into playing a couple seasons of rugby. I really enjoyed it but it just takes so long for my body to heal anymore. I registered for a 35+ team but haven't been able to get legs ready to sprint yet. Pushing too hard too fast.
You should get back out and play. From what I understand about DBing, and please someone correct if I'm wrong, but it's about taking care of yourself.....rediscovering who you are....doing things you enjoy....those are probably the things that attracted her to you in the first place.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Ok... need some advice. I reclaimed the MBR probably about a month ago and WW hasn't really made a big deal about it or tried to take it back. She's been sleeping in the boys room which is right above the garage. We also have a basement bed and bath. I just received a txt msg from WW that says "On days you don't have D4, I will be sleeping in my room. I'm tired of the garage door waking me up when you come home in the middle of the night."
My first thought is to just ignore it then when I come home and find her in the MBR to just climb in bed too. I would anticipate she would have all the kids in there too so I would have to wake up the boys and tell them to go to their room. My second thought is to reply with "I am not the one leaving the M and I've made it clear where I'll be sleeping."
What does everyone think?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
The second statement sounds much stronger .... Was her choice to leave the M not yours ... Might even validate the fact the garage door wakes her up first .... And then come in with that line
Would this also be a time to input my commitment to our vows and being a man of integrity?
So then something like " I can understand how the garage door waking you up would be frustrating. I'm not the one leaving the M or acting outside of our vows. I've made it clear where I'll be sleeping"
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Would this also be a time to input my commitment to our vows and being a man of integrity?
So then something like " I can understand how the garage door waking you up would be frustrating. I'm not the one leaving the M or acting outside of our vows. I've made it clear where I'll be sleeping"
Leave that middle part out, it's judge mental and punishing .... This isn't about punishing her for her actions, it's about not allowing her actions to define you. Short simple to the point and end the conversation .... Go back and read sandis 37.... NO R TALK... Read those every morning till they become second nature to you
this isn't a time for a truth dart and a statement of integrity?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
