confused newbie 5

[dday]

I am debating on asking her L why we don't have a court date. It has been bugging me all day. It would be nice to know what the holdup is. To know what to expect. Mad that she is prolonging this process on me and my boys (whom she still hasn't talked to), or hopeful that she is thinking things through still. This is still tough.

On my part, I don't feel needy or clingy. I DO still care how this shakes out, but I don't feel dependent on the outcome that I have hoped for. I am tired of being alone though. I am somewhat excited about getting my own house, probably building one. Once that process is started, it will be hard to turn back. I am waiting on spring to build, so at that point it would be a whole lot harder to go back. Every day, I feel less pull towards her. Less attraction. Less certainty. Is that detachment? Is that falling out of love? I'm not sure what it is.

I'm tired of living this way though. It's better now than 2 weeks ago, but I hate that everything is still up in the air. I don't understand why W was so quick to file, and now everything is on hold. I don't understand why, if she is certain, she hasn't sat down with the boys to explain this to them. I don't understand why we haven't sat down and split up assets on paper. I am surprised that she hasn't wanted me to get the rest of my things moved out.

Thoughts? I have a lot rolling around in my head, but I am still able to joke around and laugh. Still smiling more too. Ready to move forward with my life, just need to figure out how.