have i been making mistakes too long part 6

[tkdmme]

Sotto,

Thanks for the reply. The in house separation is not working for me but she refuses to leave. I have no where to go. Her family is less than 5 minutes away from our house. Her mother lives alone in a three bedroom house and has offered the W and kids move in with her until we can figure things out.

The thing that really bothers me is the fact that she told me she wanted a D and then has done nothing. She doesn't talk about it, she wont work on our marriage and she wont file for D. It feels like she is trying to force me to do it. The inaction on her part is frustrating. I asked her if the sitch is overwhelming to her and she said that she is numb and not overwhelmed. I am not numb. I feel everything and I am carrying the weight of this sitch all on my own. it is smothering me. the gravity of it all is so surreal. im worried about the kids and what will happen to the house and our finances.

It seems that she wants to continue to live the way she is grown accustom to only without me in the picture. She wants her own bank account but doesn't want to be responsible for her part of the bills. She is absolutely insane at this point. She says things and then denies that she has said them. she says she will be happy once im gone.

She is incapable of talking rationally about anything. it makes me sick that this is happening. At times I start believing her and think maybe this is all my fault. I am questioning my faith in God and starting to be depressed again.

I thought I had moved pass this point of grief but it sneaks back up when I least expect it.