Hi Sunny. Lots of positive advice and maybe I'm way out of line here but could you have OW killed. !!!!! Just an idea. You know , something quick and painless , we are not monsters !!!!!!
Just a thought Bounce it around and see what you think LOL. I can feel you smiling from accross the Atlantic !!!
Thank you all for chiming in! I smiled at a couple of the suggestions, maybe shouldn't say exactly which ones.
The meeting yesterday was OK, although I was very surprised at the stance STBX is taking on some things. For instance, he tried to pass off Thanksgiving as "just another Thursday" where he normally wouldn't see D12 until after school. That way he could spend the morning with the duck and her kids. I said I'd love to hear him explain to D12 that he can't come over and make apple pie with her because he's spending Thanksgiving morning with someone else's kids instead. He backed off pretty quickly for this year, but made it clear that next year won't be the same.
He's also balking again at us being in Rockport together next summer, and this time he spelled out what he didn't say this past summer: the duck doesn't like him being there with me. Heck, if I were her, I'd be insecure, too. She knows better than anyone he's a cheater. I wouldn't trust him if I were her.
Overall, things didn't go as well as I'd hoped. We came to an agreement on the things we discussed, but he didn't like it. He's getting nagged, and that's going to affect my kids. And I'm going to say it one more time, if he'd get rid of the duck and start dating someone else, we'd get the blended family of the year award. Plum sauce, indeed.
We have another meeting in a couple of weeks to get to the issues we ran out of time on yesterday.
He's also balking again at us being in Rockport together next summer, and this time he spelled out what he didn't say this past summer: the duck doesn't like him being there with me. Heck, if I were her, I'd be insecure, too. She knows better than anyone he's a cheater. I wouldn't trust him if I were her.
Overall, things didn't go as well as I'd hoped. We came to an agreement on the things we discussed, but he didn't like it. He's getting nagged, and that's going to affect my kids.
Well Sunny - Insecurity and nagging get old eventually....which doesn't bode well for the duck. That being said, until that happens - It sounds like there are going to be times that he puts her needs above D12s. And that blows.
Well Sunny - Insecurity and nagging get old eventually....which doesn't bode well for the duck. That being said, until that happens - It sounds like there are going to be times that he puts her needs above D12s. And that blows.
I was never a nag, and I really thought he'd tire of the duck quickly. He readily admits their relationship is "rocky" but he somehow sticks it out. Mindblowing that he sticks that one out but couldn't stick ours out.
And, yes, it blows that he even considers putting her in front of his children. It's not just D12, he would be missing out spending time with the other two also, they just aren't covered in the parenting agreement. I really can't comprehend how that's OK.
I know I did the right thing asking for the D, the timing was right both for me to move on and for his guilt to be generous. But getting through the steps is no fun.
Hi Sunny - i just reread all of this thread and again thank you for journaling even the mundane because i'm right there with you! The dramalessness, the yardwork, the occasional hatred, the finances.
I spent all yesterday moving the needle a tiny bit further on our financial separation... Ta da! A decision on health insurance! Took all day. No one could possibly want to hear what i go through, except this magical place. So you saved me all that typing by writing a lot of my same thoughts here and getting some great advice!
When do you have your next step in the process? My next step is to work out with h an understanding of our living expenses and then go for 2nd meeting with our mediator.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
When do you have your next step in the process? My next step is to work out with h an understanding of our living expenses and then go for 2nd meeting with our mediator.
Hey Adinva! This place is magical, isn't it?
We have another meeting with the MHP next Tuesday (week from tomorrow) to finish the co-parenting discussions. Our next group meeting is on the 29th. That's supposed to be a financial discussion, so in theory we will each have met with the forensic accountant before that, although nothing's been scheduled. I have given the accountant all my financial stuff, and STBX has given him account statements, etc., but I don't know where he stands with the long form. I have my own version of the long form but I'm not offering it up just yet. One, I want STBX to have to do the work, and two, I want to see what number he comes up with . If it's more than mine, then, well, we'll just go with that. So, even though it seems like things are dragging out, I guess they really aren't.
I'm going to say it one more time, if the duck weren't involved, we'd be the perfect D family. Then again, if she weren't involved, we probably wouldn't be D.
How did your first mediation meeting go? I guess I'll pop over to your thread and see if it's there.
Things continue to roll along without a lot of drama. H and I met with the MHP today and I think we finalized child sharing. We have chosen to not document most of it, preferring to work things out as we go along. I have assembled and sent in most of my financial documentation and declined to send in some things, I discussed that in my last post. Assuming H gets his financial disclosure in on time, our next meeting would be in two weeks.
Since my last update, D12 turned 13, and I went to visit S19. Also.....kind of a big one....I received a job offer. Yay me!
Thanks, RD. You know, a mutual friend of mine an STBX offered to refer me to a hit man yesterday, it was the first time he'd acknowledged anything was going on at all. I smiled and told him not necessary, people were lined up for the job.
Congrats on the job offer Sunny, hopefully it's a small bright spot in an otherwise difficult time in your life. Sounds like your H doesn't know which way is up right now and is just floundering around.
You on the other hand are doing extremely well in the hardest of circumstances. Despite the pain of the situation, that's something you can hang your hat on.
Hug, PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
