Cali. i love your point of view and how to handle. I guess where g and myself are having problems is actually in the detaching. We are doing things and going out places, yes to have fun, but we are also hoping to break a fog in the w with what we do. Meaning we are still holding on so much, and we need to do these things for ourselves. I struggle with saying the types of things you say because in the back of my mind i feel i am reassuring her that i am still hoping to reconcile and she knows she still has me.
thoughts?
Ok so two parts: Detaching, I honestly stunk at it... Ou must accept its not like cutting a thick rope(bond) ... It's not like you saw and saw and one day you snap free... It's a gradual process major like pouring syrup out of a bottle. For me the light went on when I realized I love my wife, deeply, I wanted her happy and arrived to a point that I wanted this for her even if it wasn't with me. I accepted I would in some capacity always love her.... But ya know what? I also loved that shiny new r8 black Audi ... I can appreciate them for what they are from afar and stay clear of the emotional harm both would deliver
Second thing... "Breaking the fog in W with what you do" that's a complete misconception, what that really says is the fear you have, you are afraid of losing your W, afraid of life without her, so that fear now controls you and with that you are manipulating the situation to regain a sense of power because at present she has it all, power over you, your M, the family... All of it... You are a passenger in a car with a person who has zero regard for your safety and you think if she lets you drive all will be good. Ask yourself... Would Clint Eastwood beg to drive, no... He would get out and start walking .... And once he does that guess who stops the car and thinks about her choices .... Not out of manipulation but because now she is not running away from the pursuits ... She starts facing what is really in store
There is no guarantee in all this, at this point you have to fix yourself for the next chapter in your life and understand and accept that your W may or may not be in it... It's her choice, I got to a point I wanted her to decide to be with me, tricking/manipulating/. Begging her to be there would only be a bandaid... The pain I felt, I'd NEVER want to relive ....
So I took a good hard long look at myself and began the work , it has been almost 2 years and I continue to work, I've come a long way and still have a ways to go but I'm good with me, if my W wants to stand by my side that's great ... But if she opts to walk that's ok too I know who I am, I'm at peace and I'm going to be ok regardless
