Can ALL marriages be saved Vol. 2

[Avanti]

Gmum, while he is around you and when he's away so on the phone you need to practise validation as much as you can. If you do so firstly, you'll potentially have better conversations and secondly, you will feel better as you'll understand him more and by being understood his attitude may change.

If you take validation to it's ultimate, it will be painful for you, but your are in quite a bit already, which is really tough on you.

There is the sticky thread on here on this subject and if you go to the AL Turtle website (type "AL Turtle validation" into Google) there is a lot more on the subject and it'll help you to understand prevalidation too, which is really important to make sure the validation truly has an effect.

Warning: Al does go into quite a lot of detail but he's smart enough to know this and so summarise his work meaning you have somewhere to work outward from if the full text seems a little daunting at first.

If you get prevalidation and validation right, you'll probably find you have a very different conversation with your H. It is only very recent that it occurred to me how deep true validation is and it's a challenging thing to do well, at first anyway, so takes a lot of practise.

Many say they validate but actually they are simply hearing but keeping their own view firmly in their minds and so aren't allowing the S to expand that much on how they really feel.