Wife wants to separate at end of school year

[Bhuda1]

This is my first post Two weeks ago my wife suggested we separate at the end of the current school year so as not to disrupt or children's education and focus. My boys are aged 13 and 15

For at least 5 years my wife has become distant. She keeps her feelings all bottled up inside. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

My actions of the past are to blame for our current situation. I was selfish and irresponsible and did not take my wife's feelings into consideration. I have never cheated or had an affair. I went on week long golf trips with "the guys" leaving here home alone with two young boys and other events without asking if my wife wanted to join me. Although I asked if she minded me going, she did not want to look like a controlling wife. I wish she would have told me then what I know now.

Knowing her feelings for me were changing, I became a whiney, grovelling insecure wimp with low self esteem and no self confidence. I did every thing to try to pull her closer, all the while I was pushing here away.

My wife is a beautiful strong willed woman, very secure in herself and confident. I became the exact opposite of her. What woman would want a needy, insecure man in her life? I was not the man she married.

We still live in the same house, share the same bed and very cordial to one another. I want to hold her and caress her because I miss her. I know I have to let her initiate any contact at this point in our marriage.

Every night before bed I would kiss her goodnight and say ILY just to hear her it back. I was the only one asking her if she wanted "date night" She has not initiated a "couples night only" in years.

After finding this website and reading the forums I decided I needed to change to save our marriage. I have since ordered DR in the hopes I can save my marriage. The book has not yet arrived and I was hoping I could get some advice on my next move.