Yeah it's tough but in the same breathe is rather be here with atleast a chance than where I was this time last year to be honest
Last night things were a bit better, I've focused more on my PMA ... All was good till I misunderstood W and her hand symbols... She was using some U.S. Navy seal signal to get me to have S drink his smoothie, I misunderstood and thought I was supposed to .... Anyways she blew up. I told her firmly not to treat me like that, that it was not a big deal and if she wants to communicate she needs to speak to me as I can't read minds nor her hand symbols. This set her spewing and along with it she went for the buttons... One of which I have not removed ... She called me by my fathers name. My father was viewed by many ... As well as my wife to be a very scary mean/angry man... This was a misconception ... Throughout or marriage my wife rarely really had ever interacted with him, he tried to smooth things with her but she had cast him out of that circle and there was not much he could do. In 2012 he passed of cancer ... Might have been one of the triggers for Ws MLC ... Not certain. Anyways she knows that button is still hard wired in, it was almost like a test ... I got really calm and told her to stop, she pressed .. I again more firmly told her THAT is not my name, infect it belongs to my father who is deceased, the fact you resort to that to try and hurt me simply shows your character not mine... I left and walked the dog Normally I would not have found that calm, that would have sent me into a tyrade but the past week or so just felt more like her testing me ... Not consciously but like she is figuring out a lot of things
So things settled that night and little was said, this morning the dog wanted out earlier than normal ... My job... W asked me to take him out, as I did the walk I thought about the sitch, and how normally I would go in, start getting myself and S ready for the day and stay clear of W. Well somehow I recalled a blip out of DB to do something different .... Then thought ... Wait that would be pursuing, then thought... No I'm past that phase. I came in.... W was in bed watching a show on her phone ... I crawled in bed and came in behind her, rather than rejecting me ... She turned and hugged me, stroked my face. We talked a bit. The past few days she has been irritable because she had an STD outbreak that was triggered by those ice cream bars I mentioned, it all made sense ... I couldn't figure out what was going on, was it OM, depression, MLC... What. The flare up is a reminder of what she did, and she told me she gets upset about it, angry... Depressed... Ashamed... So I just hugged her and then made a joke about last night ... Woke up S and got going about my day... Thankful I opted for a 180 rather than to leave her alone and make her feel more isolated than she already was feeling
