During your struggles, during this Crisis, has talking about the marital situation or trying to work things out ever worked?
I can tell you that it will not.
SHE needs to be ready and willing to get back into the marriage. She has said that she wants out. You must let her do what she wants...she is a grown woman. you cannot force her.
Maybe she IS having second thoughts, or guilt or whatever...talking about things right now...she will respond defensively with those negative thoughts that she is having (see resentment and anger issues), she will do the opposite of what you want her to do (see control and rebellion issues).
I understand the need for you to be reassured or to know what needs to be done. Hell I've been struggling for a pretty long time and I can tell you that not once when I broke down to talk about things with her, did my situation get any better...it reinforces her opinion that I am trying to control her or ignoring her feelings or not listening to what she has said.
Deep Breath. Be thankful for the things that you have in your life right this very minute. your kids, your health, whatever. Right it down if you must. Take a step forward and show yourself some compassion, feel the pain and then go do something nice for YOU for a change.
We are codependents, OK, we don't want to lose our wives. Yes...but they are really not OURS to lose are they. They have chosen to spend their lives with us up until now. It is up to them if they want to stay. It is their choice if they want to leave. This is their fight, their struggle...do not give them any more ammunition to support the decision to leave.
Things ARE crazy...ditch the crazy train and lets start focusing more on US instead of what she is going to do.
Yes, I am writing this to you, but I am actually writing it for ME as well.
