Sorry you are suffering, you are not alone. Everyone here knows exactly what you are talking about. For me, the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen was the worst.
Have you considered seeing a doctor about anti-depressants or anxiety meds to get you over the hump? I had to take meds for a short time and they helped me sleep and took the edge off.
In the meantime, I see you are wanting to email her regarding dinners and things like that. I don't think that's your best course of action. I think your wife sees right through you and knows you are desperate to save the marriage even though you think you are good at faking that you are ok. What kind of 180 can you do here? I suggest backing way off.
You also sound codependant on her. You sound like your entire world is your wife. I'm a codependant. I have to be careful not to make my relationship my entire sense of self worth. I also tend to be a rescuer and fix problems for my partner. Do you do any of these things?
I suggest reading a book titled "Codependant No More" and see if it resonates with you.
