Up and at em

[Jpeg]

H came over yesterday to help finish closing the pool. He tried to get me to sign papers for pension evaluation I told him I would take them to my lawyer. He wasn't pleased. He suggested its just two signatures no big deal. I said that is why I have retained a lawyer I need advice I can trust. These are the same papers he tried to get me to sign months ago before proof of OW when he was saying it was just to look at our finances. He has been lying to me for years I really can't believe anything he says

[V2pt0]

Good on you for having the L look at papers first. Sorry to hear about the fender bender.

[gonegrl]

So next year you have to pay 3 college tuitions? OW is going to love that! If I end up D and remarried, I am only marrying someone whose children are already grown and "paid for" LOL. And no, I wouldn't be an OW either.

[Jpeg]

H is texting me "how are the kids?" "What's going on?" At the same time OW is texting him how much she loves him and loves smelling him blah blah .

[Jpeg]

Over the last few months I have read on here different people saying how they have grown and learned things about themselves and improved and become better etc. and I thought "what is wrong with me?". I'm not growing, I'm not learning, what am I suppose to be learning? I felt like I was stuck and just wallowing in self pity.

The number of times I have read people post that they are "going to be okay no matter happens with or without their spouce" and I thought. No! Im not going to be okay without him! I don't want to be okay without him!

Well..... I think I have got it! I have achieved the "I'm gonna be ok"

At least that's how I am feeling at this moment

[beckyb]

Hey, it's always moment by moment. And sometimes we say we'll be ok we're trying to convince ourselves. Fake til you make it.

[JulieH]

Hi JPEG, been catching up with your thread.


Truth is, you have no choice but to be ok. You will learn that you can survive great hardships. You will learn that you are someone that will look back on life knowing that you did what's right and knowing that you were a great example for your children when your husband was not capable of being one. Your children will one day look back and recognize this as well if they haven't realized it already.

[Jpeg]

So true beckyb And i have been "faking it" for 13 months now and i think i am almost at "making it"

Thanks Julie. My kids have for sure recognized this. They have told me so, let me know that they always felt that I was and am always there for them when their dad wasn't and isn't. Although my kids are older this has been devastating for them. As young adults They still feel completely abandoned by their father.

[JulieH]

Of course they do, but they have you.


This is how I think of it when I feel like things are unfair, or like a victim....I would never ever ever want to reverse roles with him.

[Jpeg]

That is such good thinking Julie! I would never ever ever ever reverse roles with him. I can't even begin to imagine doing anything like this to my kids.

You are right we are not victims we are the heros!