Lonely Hearts Club

[beckyb]

First thing in the morning is the worst for me to. It feels like each new day is a new reminder that I am alone and he probably waking up with someone else. It's better than it was but it still really hurts.

[Rouky]

Gosh I must be a strange animal! I'm absolutely fine in the morning as I'm always looking forward what I'm going to do, the evening is the worst!

Glad you had fun this weekend. Won't be much of a help today :-(, but remember what you went through with your illness, you have survived something life threatening, you'll be able to survive this. I promise :-)

[shotgun]

Hi beckyb sorry that you are dealing with a cheating husband. According to my wife and her therapist my inability to meet my wife's emotional needs drove her into another man's arms. Initially I did blame myself but my time away from her has brought me a lot of clarity about our relationship. This is going to hurt for a while and all we can do is go through it and fix what is wrong with ourselves and try to find peace.

Rouky I don't know why the mornings are so difficult but I am dreading the rising of the sun. Maybe I need to wake up and think about what I will do each day like you are doing. Thanks for the reminder of having faced cancer and survived.
This weekend for the first time in a long while I felt OK about the future. I had a couple of ladies call me and they are showing some pretty intense interest. I have told you that I am not quite ready for that. I did however meet one lady for a drink and had more fun that I thought that I would. I wish it could remain casual for now though. I wonder how long it will take until it is no longer strange to be out with someone other than my wife.

[Rouky]

You have been with your wife a while, so I guess it'll take as long as it is needed for you to feel comfortable in what you do.

[beckyb]

Thanks shotgun. I know I did many things wrong in our marriage but I did a lot right. Nothing I did justifies his behavior. I think MLC with a healthy dose of depression and sin are to blame. I can't really fix any of those things. All I can do is work on me and pray for him.

[shotgun]

Beckyb I am trying to stop figuring out why my wife did this. It stops me from being able to detach. There is some biological reason behind it probably having something to do with reproduction and propagation of the human species because all of our stories are nearly identical. None of these Walk Away spouses are unique although they all believe that they are. We who are left behind must try to keep the focus on ourselves and on building a happy life that is not dependent on our spouse.

[Rouky]

This is beautifully said. I know that at the end of this road, there is what we are looking for ( maybe not our S but someone better: US! :-).

How did it go at the doctor?

[shotgun]

Hi Rouky! It went well at the doctor. Going to bump up my dosage on my Prozac. I have several appointments coming up next month so pray that all goes well. Just checkups with the oncologist, radiologist and ENT. Will have a scan in the near future to make sure nothing is coming back. Feeling a little better these days. Work is a little more interesting right now. Getting to build some things!

Thanks for checking on me and for always showing that you care. You are a great friend!

[Rouky]

Glad to read that you are feeling better and that work is more challenging. If I need anything building (which I'm sure I'll), I'll give you a shout!

What are you doing for your GAL? Any plans for this weekend? How did your son recital go?

[shotgun]

Hey Rouky I haven't been doing so well with GAL. Going to go shoot guns with friends on Sunday. It is a very social activity and is always a good time. Never any ladies there though. My therapist says to stay away from the ladies for now. I guess that means that you are safe :-) I'm hoping to do more GAL in the near future. I have gone through a few weeks of pretty severe depression and have not been up to it.

I am really craving the symphony right now. Going to try to find a good one to go to. Going to have some family over tomorrow to have pizza. Three of my nieces and a sister. S13 is really craving time with my family. He gets very upset when he misses something.

His recital went well and he has been invited to audition for the local symphony. Very exciting stuff! He has been working very hard on his music and his sight reading has really taken off. His teacher is loving his vibrato as well.

Rouky do you play an instrument? I play a little guitar and some banjo. I could sing before the cancer but all of the radiation and surgeries on my throat have ended that. My voice is very different now. Much deeper. Who knows if I can ever learn to work with it but I'll keep trying.