Updated myself on your thread and well will put my nose here.
First, sorry to hear about the furry one, it is heart breaking, but you had a good time in life with her and that's what counts, any idea of getting a new one? They are lovely, and it is a way to love the new.
Regarding the whole D ordeal, I think like department store. One thing is the emotional side of the R. You love this man and is willing to forget and forgive if things come to that. But the other front is the business side, and that is where everything must be clear, clean and on the table for a fair settlement.
It is uncomfortable, annoying but necessary. It was time investment, you cleaned, cooked, gave him a family, even took care after his son. So, it is more then fair that on the financial side of it, you are the 50% investment.
Don't let go on anything or you will regret later if you find out you have been cheated again. As an MLC, he will try to take advantage whatever he can, he is not seeing this with so much caring, all what he wants is to get his way and dream about a great life he will finally build for himself.
Unfortunately for him, all his actions have consequences and one of them is the financial side of it. Maybe he needs to face them head on, and do some growing up himself.
You have all your GALs honey, but at the end of the day you are alone taking charge on your life. So, stand tall and go for what is right for yourself. Don't be afraid of what your H will think about, that you are greedy thinking about money or whatever. It is your right, the law is in place to protect you (and him as a matter of fact), so use it as a guidance of what you can or can't do.
In my opinion, leaving it easy for him is just silly, he may be amazed of how strong a woman you are. You stand firm on your resolutions. He can cry, scream and play the poor me now, but he will need to step up and face all his mess. If nothing comes out of this, at least he will remember you are not another of his toys.
Remember that as an MLC he will try to pull the carpet from under your feet. He is not thinking straight right now, all what he needs is to please himself and get away with whatever he can.
Regarding your work friend. There is nothing wrong to date someone. The thing here for me is that you are facing things as very formal dating.
First, going out with whatever man at this point brings a question of how are your needs. You have been away from your H for quite a while, so you are not close to anyone during this time. If you go out with someone and have drinks, does that will end up going to bed with that person?
Being lonely makes us vulnerable to touch, caring, and if things head up to that, then it is something to consider going out with a work friend.
Lets say you go for dinner or drinks with this guy and things get a little heated and you two have a good time. There will be the next day. Could you face him the next day at work? Would it be awkward?
Now, if you just want to have a male company and get to know someone a little better and has it clear the limits of the encounter, then it is not really a formal dating. It is just having dinner and getting to know someone a little better.
This guy could easily be in this forum, and getting advice to give himself a chance to know someone nice and rebuild his life, open his options and heal his wounds from his own divorce. Maybe he is also very scared of it all too.
Know what you want and let the pieces fall in its place. You are married by circumstances and by your own choice, not because you are living a married life. Don't bother yourself about being married. Let yourself fly a little bit and take things in small steps. No big dates with formal titles but a chance to know someone new with new perspectives, maybe a new friend that will last forever, instead of a prospect new partner.
There is also a part of you that has a lot of resentment, hurt and a strong desire to break your H nose with a big punch in the face. It's natural and perfect healthy to feel this way. Only time will heal this part inside of you.
There is this infinite pain that comes and goes and you need to deal with the normal life every day pretending that all is well when the truth is that you want to scream to the world that it hurts and you can't take it no more.
Well, good news is that you will make it. It is unbearable right now, going through a divorce is very painful, but you can do it and will do it with grace, charm and respect for yourself. Later, things will settle a little bit more and a sense of peace will start filling yourself with a new life.
If your H comes back, you will deal with it then, if not, you will have a world of new adventures ahead of you. And I know well that it is not an easy task on our age. Well, we are not dead yet, and may have the experience we need to choose wisely what we want next. There is a lot of jerks out there, but there is a lot of good people too, we just need to know who we are and what we need in the first place.
You are an amazing and strong woman. Even if it hurts right now, please stand for what is right for you during this divorce, don't let go on anything, let your H knows you respect yourself and that he needs to face his own consequences.
Don't go on dates if you don't feel like, instead have a dinner to know someone new, to share some pain since it is a person that is recently divorced too.
If you feel this guy is a good prospect, then you go for a second dinner. Who knows?
Life is short and we need to live it, you deserve to be happy, to kiss, hug, make love. The loneliness we feel during divorce is a great deal, so think about yourself and your needs and give it to yourself... the chance of rebuilding a life that is yours to live.
I learned to love you and care about you even without knowing you personally. I wish the best for you and I know many of your pain. I hope and pray that life will turn and put you in a better place and that you will just look back one day and see how a great person you are.
I will update my thread soon, there is so much to tell. I have been a good and bad girl, but have been learning to pay more attention in my own self and what I love the most. My X or "the dinosaur" as the kids and I called him, is still feeling sorry for himself. He is broke, broken and sorry his life is miserable. Well, too bad, maybe he just need a few years of his misery and then he will start learning the meaning of "family".
