Black and white

[Zues126]

tlr, thank you. I like your point about acting on feelings without realizing that feelings are derived from actions. Something we all know to a degree, but it helps to be clear on that when you're feeling negatively.

Phou/Julie, unfortunately I don't have all the answers. Whether you're feeling sadness, disbelief, pity...I think that's just par for the course. In both of these examples I didn't get the impression that WAH was specifically trying to push your buttons, but rather that he was just ranting a little. For the whole "feelings to reflect motivation" it has to be him doing things deliberately to get a rise. I'm not sure that's the case if you're just feeling sad or stunned. The things you two described seemed more global and unintentional. But if you feel like he's taking stabs at you deliberately this chart can be useful.

Of course, right along the time I learned the chart I stopped caring. To some degree. Julie, you mentioned me being detached. It's funny. It's always a spectrum. I mean, I am detached from HER. To a degree I didn't know would be possible. But I'm still dealing with the ramifications of the divorce. Big time. Also, to be fair, when I do have to reply to an email from her it does still pain me because I can still feel the disdain, contempt, criticism, and dismissiveness that she has towards me. It's almost like I don't feel it 99% of the time, but when I have to interact with her and I'm exposed to her then I can still feel her negative energy. And this is unpleasant for me. Which is why I avoid her. To be fair I feel that way about a person I used to be friends with that burned a bridge with me...I see him at pool tournaments now and then and if I have to play a match with him it's very uncomfortable. The difference is I don't have kids with him. But I guess I would agree that I'm getting more detached, but the loss from the divorce and dealing with the legal process is still distressing.

Biggest thing is to know it takes time, but it does pass. I've been doing this coming up on 16 months now and it has gotten easier...but I know when the D is finalized, a few months blow by and I get in my post-D rhythm, and I move into a bigger place and settle in...at that point I think I'll be in really good shape. So it will continue to get much easier over the next 3-12 months. At that point I'll be in for 2 years, officially D, and will be a totally different person than I was during the M. Shoot, I might even be ready to talk to a woman again .

Sunny, thank you for checking in on me. I am touched that you'd keep an alligator watch for me. I wish we could post pictures on here. That would be totally fun. I watched "PAN" with my daughters yesterday. At one point there was an enormous crocodile attacking them and I got super excited. I was like "this is just a day in the life for SunnyB"...I'm glad you took my black and white rants with a grain of salt. Hey, haven't seen any updates on your thread for a while. Please do check in when you can.

Good weekend with the kids. REALLY good. My son has needed some special attention in a key area and hasn't gotten it (I can't give it to him, it takes specific skills I don't have) but I had a friend of mine who's an expert in that field hang out with him on Saturday for 3 hours, I was there too. It was a great time. My friend is going to be his mentor a bit and help him through some things he's working on. It was a delight to see the impact on my son. I know he needed that more than he could vocalize. Meanwhile my mom was in town for some family support and took my daughters out. Then yesterday I spent some good time with my daughters and read to them all a bit. Nothing crazy, just life, but we're rock solid right now.

OK, that's all for now...but DID YOU KNOW? Alligators are a great way to destroy evidence. Remember, it's only murder if they find a body. Otherwise it's just a "Missing Person". Food for thought...;)