confused newbie 5

[tl2]

Venting's allowed. Just not to your W right now

One thing I've noticed about this kind of selfishness is that it is done with complete disregard--even disbelief--that there is any cost at all!

According to my W, it's all in my mind and she's doing me a favor

[dday]

My W has told me that this is what's best for the boys. And that she just wants us all to be happy. Some days I am not sure why I would want her back. I feel that I have been used, neglected, disregarded etc. I am wondering about my self-respect, and if I can forgive everything today. Tomorrow will be different I am sure

[tl2]

Yep. Been there.

[dday]

I am grateful today:

Had a great dinner with sister and BIL last night.

Get the boys tonight, going to make them a nice dinner.

Had a family member stop by and visit last night for a couple hours. He went through D a couple years ago, so his perspective helps.

___________________________________________________________

I'm not sure if it has been the time apart this week, but I feel a little more distant/withdrawn/? from her. It is easier for me, when I don't see her. It helps that others are seeing how strange she is acting. I was worried that it was just towards me, but apparently not. In a selfish way, which I am not proud of, I felt relieved to know that W had not taken the boys to go do a bunch of stuff on her half of the vacation. I was worried that I cannot compete with her and her parents. But, that wasn't the case. I'm looking forward to seeing the boys tonight. Not looking forward to seeing her at the switch.

That is different for me. I used to love any chance to see her and/or talk to her. Not now. I need the time away to settle down my emotions. Maybe it will help break the fog, maybe not. It seems to help me though.

[tl2]

Maybe it will help break the fog, maybe not.

Or maybe the fog will lift in time, not for any one reason or action on your part, but on your wife's finally seeing the reality of the choice she's making as opposed to the fantasy. With you out of the picture and taking care of business for you and the boys, it's way more difficult for her to use you, your behavior, or her feelings about you and the marriage as distractions/excuses.

It seems to help me though.

See there? That's why I think you're doing pretty darn good. I can always hear in what you say your struggle to push through and deal with the reality of the situation and in a positive way.

I have felt much the same way. When the first drop the B, move out, whatever, it sends many of us spinning and we react to that.

Once we start focusing more on problem-solving and our own actions, we can find the positives in the situation and use them to our own advantage to work through this.

Good for you, man. Good for you.

[dday]

Getting ready to go get my boys. I am kinda excited, since I haven't seen the younger 2 in a week. Not doing much, dinner, play catch, take them back to W.

I feel different. I was whistling a song that I heard at the party this weekend. I can't tell you the last time I have whistled. Little things, but they are changes. Talked to my cousin for 2 hours last night. He went through D 3 years ago, and is remarried and says that he is happier than ever. He was talking me through some of it, telling me what I may go through.

I have smiled a lot more today. Laughed some. Maybe that is the changing feeling that I had a week ago. Maybe this is a step in my journey. Growth. Trying and hoping to drop the rope. Feels like I have loosened the grip on it a bit, anyway.

[Thornton]

That's awesome dday! Have fun with the boys!

[dday]

Went to get the boys, and nobody is home. Called W, she didn't answer. Called me back and said, oops I forgot it's your night. We will be back in an hour or so. She said sorry, several times. Haven't seen my kids in 6 days, and she forgot. Not very happy

[gs9]

document it!

[Vapo]

document it!

Yeah. Cosigning...