Hi OTW, sometimes it is best to do nothing. You said you didn't want to talk about buying furniture and that was the truth. There's no need to go back and apologise for that. Stand tall that you expressed your needs, would be my advice.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
She's going to be mad and she's going to mad often bc you are not just bending to her will. Stand up to her. She's not the boss of you. You have your own opinions and feelings and they are very valuable. She is not acting like she's your wife and does not deserve to be treated as such. My WW is often mad at me too bc I'm standing up for myself. I'm not being mean just firm when making decisions. And please understand my WW comes from a violent, abusive childhood. Anger is her go to emotion. I have seen her do things most people wouldn't believe happen. However, since I've been standing up to her and being firm in my attitude she has been showing me a lot more respect. She gets upset but nearly as much as she use to and I don't argue with her. When she begins to get disrespectful I put in my headphones and I just walk away. Even if she doesn't come back at least I'm gaining back my manhood and no longer allow myself to be abused.
Say less, be firm and do not be a door mat
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
So just had to go through rooms and decide who gets what. Kind of stinks. I seemed to make out ok. I had to fight the urge to talk about relationship so bad. There is so much I want to say and discuss. She is so focused on this but said she is stressed. She then asked if a friend of mine that owns a pawn shop could get her a tv. I didn't say anything except that I wanted to be as fair as I could with everything but I never planned on building all of this together to have to split it one day because she decided this. I have to also move on in life and need stuff also.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
That would stink. I'm not looking forward to it. But Don't let her take advantage of you. She can acquire her own TV through her own means. Why would you help her. She is not your W. She fired you. My W fired me too. I'm not helping. I won't be unloving but I'm definitely not going to be her friend.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I know. I just wanted to tell her no he can not. But I am struggling being a good person and also trying not to enable her. I firmly knew this point was going to come and had to come. Does t make it easier even if I feel this will help both of us and even be ing us together again someday.
I can tell this is taking a toll on her.
I have been also struggling with the thought of hiring an investigator to find if there is an affair before I sign any separation agreement. It has been 6 months and I don't have any kind of proof. If she has she has hid it well. But I don't want to find out after spousal support is agreed and signed. I would be livid.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
If it's going to make a significant difference in spousal support I definitely would hire one before signing anything.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
(((otw))) I know those urges are impossible to ignore. It would be easier to stop breathing sometimes then to ignore the feeling that if you only told her how you felt, she would understand and this craziness will go away.
But if you want the craziness to go away, you have to stay strong and resist. You can do it, you have done it over and over before. Just keep resisting.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona thanks, and you hit the nail on the head. I feel like we have been going through this for so long that it is time we sit down and work through this. I know we can sort out everything and even though it would take some time things will be great again.
It is just crazy that i feel this way and she may have zero feelings for me in that manner and it would be a huge wate of time. I guess in the end i just never believing in quitting something like that and with so much history and children i would do anything to make things work. I then look back to when i was younger and was dating someone and just decided over a period of time i wanted to be single and find someone else. Is this what she went through? I do know i eventually after leaving that person heard about her doing things and went back to her briefly. I ended up still feeling the same but she let me right back in and kept chasing me. I guess this is the dynamic in a nut shell, i wanted her when i thought she moved on, went back and she let me, then she kept pursuing and i was over it again.
crazy
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
