Today I am filled with so many emotions. I have these feelings of sadness, hurt, betrayal, competition, and jealousy.

After my wife comes back from her trip to see her mother, I have been more than interested in making sure she is good and has support.
In general, I understand. Its someone you care about, and you dont think she should be alone in her time of need. But, in my opinion, she fired you from that job. Why do you think you need to "make sure" of this?

On Friday, she asked me to do her a favor and stay with the baby while she runs to get her stuff for her upcoming business trip on Sunday. I did, during that time, we spoke in honesty about where we both are, I was vulnerable and open.
The favor, I think is fine. But why would you have this talk. Why would you be vulnerable and open? Was she? Im guessing no.

I come to find out that as soon as she leaves the house she contacted one of her "friends" and although mostly work, was planning dinner, a hug, and maybe a kiss. I confronted her about it, I just couldn't fathom that after being there for her, doing her the favor of coming over to watch our child while she gets her stuff for her trip, she would do that...
And this is why. You didnt do those things to support her. You did them with the expectation that she would change her behavior. She would see how great a husband and friend you can be, and come running back to you. She didnt change, and now you are upset. Am I wrong?

Simply, this led me to tell her that if her choice is to continue to entertain these guys or guy, if they are fulfilling some of her needs to have them fulfill all of them, I don't want to have to be the one to build her up, support her in her bad times, but these OMs get the best of her.
The sentiment is correct. But I think SAYING this to her, at that time, comes from a place of weakness. Youre hurt, upset, frustrated, lonely, etc, and so it sounds like you are rejecting her to try to build yourself back up. It comes off as jealousy and control, instead of a boundary.

I feel so abandoned by the fact that she doesn't contact me, or share with me unless is something bad or stressful; these guys get her best now. She tried to make it seem as if I was being a child, so I told her, I am not, I am simply asking you to respect my needs and boundaries; don't call me or reach out to me if it isn't about our kids, because if other man are fulfilling the best, then they should do the same at her bad as well; why am I to be used this way. I feel as if she has been playing me.
Look, I agree with the bolded stuff. You dont need to be a part of her ups and downs. But all of that added stuff comes across as a hurt dog licking his wounds rather than a strong man placing a boundary around himself from hurtful behaviors.

Honestly, I think you will get more mileage out of not being there for her in bad times than out of telling her not to contact you in bad times.

Forward to yesterday, before she left to see her mom, I wrote a nice note telling her that she is not alone and how much I support her.
Ugh. I know why you did it. But why did you do it?

I haven't heard anything about that note, that was about 1.5 weeks ago, and yesterday, I find it in the trash...well that stung, I wrote her that is nice to see she liked the note,
Sounds like the same as above. You did something with expectations, they werent met, and it got you hurt. Then you confronted her about not meeting your expectations.

to which she responds "I was going through a bunch of papers, and found it but decided not to say anything because of our last discussion, but I appreciate it, and I appreciate you, there are so many emotions."
What did you really think that she was going to say?


I understand that you are hurt and angry. But ultimately, I think you did this all to yourself. You cant expect anything from her, because, as you can see, she isnt in a place where she is going to meet your expectations.

Stay strong, EMM. Im sorry if this came across as harsh. I just hate seeing people on here hurt themselves.