6 months in the storm

[ep0215]

Thank you to Avanti, Sunny and V. This gave me a lot to think about this weekend and I still haven't quite wrapped my head around it. I think I need some quiet time tonight to read over everything again. It has been months since I read DR so I am going to pick it up again and read the pages you suggested. I do journal like crazy but have started to make the entries more structured and not just inner ramblings.

You started talking about goals and didn't mention your mental picture of what you want. Goals do not have as much meaning unless there is a strong motivation behind them.

As a start for your picture, take what you said about your H and his bike riding. Picture all of you taking a ride together, stopping somewhere nice for a picnic or just an ice cream, what's the weather like? What sounds are around you? Can you smell anything in particular? The more detail the better, then add other things you want, in your home, in your kitchen, in your bedroom and not just the furniture. ;-)

Avanti – I know you mean well and I appreciate the push, I need it. I am not sure about this. I am scared to picture this, Avanti. I have grieved the loss of this picture for the last 6 months, to picture it again and lose it scares me. I fear going through that much grief again. Maybe I am getting to the point where he isn’t in this picture at all and I am happy without him. You have given me the shove I need to move forward on this journey. I have felt for the last few weeks that I was in a rut, per se. I can see that these are the steps forward. Now I just need to do some writing, thinking, mind mapping and organizing of my thoughts.