Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

I'm really struck by the profundity of these quotes and your insight.

I'll definitely read up on her work. This is growth.

Yes, I sure do wish we could grow and improve and learn life lessons without so much pain , but it seems as if the ordeals we go through in life are our biggest opportunities for growth and evolving.

I often wish we could "learn a big lesson" by winning the lottery,

but turning our grief, fear and despair,

into gratitude, joy and faith, I think is the big challenge when we have these ordeals or suffer losses.

I think you are really onto something.

Thank you! I think this has been profound for me to have stumbled onto her. Or maybe it was time... I don't know for sure. But I do know I have a huge shift in my thought processes and the amount of time I spend worrying and being unhappy.

This is another quote that really struck me of hers:

"The problem is... that you cannot selectively numb emotions... You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects and emotions.... When we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness, and then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning. And then we feel vulnerable so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle." -Brene Brown

I don't think I was numbing with food or alcohol (although I have had a few drinks to have something to enjoy on occasion!) But I was searching for something ... some sort of purpose or meaning in my life. This is what led me to my miserable evening where I told h that I hated my life. I felt like I wanted nothing to do with anything that was going on right then... whether it was staying at home, homeschooling, being married, etc. Everything felt like it didn't matter anymore. I numbed out on fb or random internet sites. I feel like just listening to her talk brought me out of that despair.