Thinking of what changes I can make. W and I share the cellular plan since the beginning of time. Technically, I am the primary so she is on my account. This summer she made a comment that we should have our own individual cellular plan so that I could not snoop; I replied she is free to get her own cellular account but she never did. Should I revisit this idea? Should I ask her to get her own cellular plan (she can start paying out of her own funds)?
We both have user passwords on our cell phones. I do not know her password nor have a tried unlocking her phone to snoop. But my question is, she knows my password should I change it? I have nothing to hide but should I lock her out just because..
My wife said the exact same thing. It wasn't cheating and she didn't feel any guilt because she decided the marriage was over. I said that she caught me online chatting a few years before with 3 or 4 women and was upset. I said "but what if I thought the relationship was over then", then that was ok? She said, "No, you can't go back and forth. You didn't decide it was over and if you did, you stopped and came back. I decided it was over and had no intention of coming back." I said so If I said "I divorce you three times" could I have cheated? And what about the fact that you told me nothing during this time and you were lying about it and hiding it? Why would you have to hide something you had no reason to be guilty about? "Because I knew you would react the way you are reacting now!"
"Oh Really? Do you see how ridiculous this logic is? Then why not tell me it was over or you found someone else if you felt that way then?"
"I was't ready yet!"
Uncanny how the human mind works and how in any language anywhere in the word, in a similar situation, people will say the same things word for word like they are reading from a script. And just as sad, they are completely ignorant of what they are doing. You could show them a movie of people doing the same thing and they would say, "but that is not what I am doing. My situation is different!"
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
Flight, you summed it up perfectly. I got the same canned script from my WW a few weeks ago. That she wasn't really cheating because she had emotionally divorced me years ago. Funny how she never bothered telling me that. Too bad for WW that isn't how marriage works. As long as we're legally married, it's still cheating! It's crazy talk so no use in even trying to make sense of it. You hope that some day they come out of the fog enough to realize it for themselves and maybe even admit how wrong they were.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Journaling. Sitting in hotel room on business trip. I want to call wife to talk (ask how the kids doing cause S8 stayed home from school sick today) but need to realize she does not want to talk and would view the call as pursing (need to also realize she would rather be talking to OM at night and I need to step aside).
We live near a large medical facility. A relative of mine needed a place to stay.
WW moved her things out of the spare bedroom and bath (back into MBR) so my relative could spend the night. She slept in the MBR with me (1 night this week). Next day she went back to spare bedroom but left her things in MBR. I want her things out of MBR. Should I just move it without asking or should I tell her to move her things back to spare bedroom.
Also, I know she FaceTime’ed OM last night but I will not confront her. How should I ask her to get her own cell carrier account (I want to remove her from my account). How should I approach this with WW?
Was your son seriously sick? Did he have to go to the doctor or hospital? My guess is that you want to use that reason as an avenue to talk to the WW. Why not just talk to S8?
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Should I just move it without asking or should I tell her to move her things back to spare bedroom
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Yep.
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Also, I know she FaceTime’ed OM last night but I will not confront her. How should I ask her to get her own cell carrier account (I want to remove her from my account). How should I approach this with WW?
You got a boundary? What are the consequences, if not honored?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
S8 got a viral infection. W stayed home with him (he missed 2 days of school). While I was away I only replied to her text re: kids.
W works near airport so she picked me up from airport. I spent a few hours at her office before we headed home.
My sit sinks because my wife said it best.. we are best friends.. that everything works.. EXCEPT the MR.
I have not set any boundaries because I am (was) waiting for her to bring up R or anything related to M; she has not yet. So I have not communicated anything yet related to boundaries.
I am detaching and no longer her H (she fired me without telling me). She works so I do not need to support her $$.
Here's the thing about boundaries. You need to know now, what you will not tolerate from other people's treatment of you. You need to know now, how you would handle it. If you don't know, then I suggest you seriously do some deep thinking about it. When it comes to those who are closest to you, there still must be personal boundaries or you will be treated badly.
If you do not know now, what the consequences would be if your boundary was dishonored.......why do you believe, by waiting, you would know how to handle it at the time? And what does setting a boundary have to do with her bringing up the R?
Perhaps you need to read Cadet's link on boundaries.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I suppose I fall into the "nice guy" category which leaves me to be poo'ed on. Being the "nice guy" I had no boundaries but need to define them quickly.
I will share with WW that she chose to turn away from the MR and chooses to be with OM therefore she needs to move her things back to other room (remove her things from MBR). Internally I will give her 2 days if not, I will move her stuff myself.
I will no longer support her financially. Therefore W and I should spit household living 50/50 or 60/40.. something like that. However this ones tricky.. how to separate financial responsibilities (credit cards, bank accounts, etc.. everything is joint)?
I thought sharing boundaries was related to the A and thought LBH should not bring up R unless WW wants to discuss.. I have so much to work on to understand relationships in general.
Last night at dinner, S8 asked where I got the t-shirt I was wearing and if he could get one just like it. I shared we can get him one like it but not sure if we can find the exact print (the t-shirt was several years old) and that mom got it for me.
W quickly said something like.. I got a lot of things for your dad but he never got me anything, I was not important to him (why would she have to add that into the dinner conversation, right??). I fell for her trap and a remark slipped from my lips like.. mom has someone special now. I caught myself saying it but it was too late. W pissed.
I not upset that W got upset. I am upset at myself because I should not have said anything (that’s what I should have done). I set myself back for being in control of my feelings.
