Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

Well, here we go. As I have been lurking this forum (which has truly been a saving grace) over the last 3 months, it is time to join. As such, I have read DR, routinely review Sandi's rules, and do my best in practicing DB principles daily.

My W and I met when we were young and grew up together in same neighbourhood (I was 9 she was 6). We started dating after I started attending university. We lived together for 4 years and decided to get married. First 3 years of marriage were generally great (of course with ups and downs), and then an opportunity to move to a different country came up and we jumped. First 2-3 years were great as we settled, and then S was born. With just W and I in new country, we started to disconnect gradually. I realize now I withdrew from her emotionally as came home from work and would still be thinking of work and on my phone, not paying attention to her, etc. W went back to work after S birth in Feb 2015. I could sense something was off by April when things seemed different in our interaction (she would avoid any affection from me with an excuse). May 2015 came the BD and I was devastated. She said she needed space and time to think things through. I pleaded and begged the first week saying I would change and we could fix things. Sadly, this had pushed her away further. She kept mentioning things about OM (just a friend; more like a brother) so I got curious. She would go out and leave S with my saying just having lunch with OM. I confronted her and said sounds like at least an EA. She denied of course. early June I do some snooping and find the text messages I needed. I didn't show her the text messages I found, but I asked her again and she finally confessed the relationship. From there she would start to stay at his place most nights.

From this point on I was a wreck. But by mid June (about 3 weeks from BD) I started to focus on myself. I pulled away from W and realized the effect it had on her as she stopped running away and started talking more to me.

I'll fill in more details over the next several posts, but the above is the condensed history. Out of everything S is the best thing to happen out of our relationship and he helps pick me up and bring any strength I have out.

I very much value all the advice I've been reading through on other sitches. Thanks you for taking the time to listen.